Episode 25 Transcript – Queer & A

Megan: Welcome to Queers Next Door
Leigh: with your hosts Leigh and Megan.

M: We take the topics you care about
L: and look at them through a queer as fuck lens.
M: Find us on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook at Queers Next Door
L: and join our Patreon for as little as one dollar a month for access to our mini episodes, Queer Cuts, at supportqnd.com.

M: Are we recording?
L: Hey, we’re back.
M: We’re back. (laughs)
L: I just wanna say really quickly that I’m glad we’re coming back to a hopefully-soon-to-be-post-Trump-world because this would be hard to be doing if we didn’t have the outcome of the election yet.
M: Oh my gosh. Yes. That was traumatizing. (laughs)
L: (laughs) For real. Okay. So we’re gonna start, if you’re a regular listener and you’re waiting for our regular question, we’re gonna do something today. We have a set of questions for guests called Queer and A. And then as you’ll notice we’ve had like, two guests ever (laughs), so we shifted those and we’ll tell you more about the fact that we’re going to start having guests soon. But for now we are going to answer our future guest questions. Each of us are gonna answer it.
M: Yeah, ’cause it’s been awhile since we did any kind of like, reintroductions or- The last time we answered this was probably two years ago so I feel like our answers might be different
L: Yeah, that’s true.

M: and I feel like we might have changed it up a little bit, which I really love so.
L: I did. Okay. Awesome. Oh yeah, I guess if you’re new here, I’m Leigh and that’s Megan.
M: (laughs)
L: Megan has like a pretty voice and I sound like a cartoon mouse.
M: (laughs) But, you know, people say we sound similar.
L: Do they?
M: Yes.
L: Oh, that’s funny. See, I thought that we didn’t sound similar at all.
M: And anytime I get a message about people listening, they say they love our voices and someone said our voices are like butter.
L: They’re like butter. No one’s ever said that to me. I love that.
M: So don’t be mean about your voice ’cause you have a lovely voice.
L: I’m not being mean about. It just sounds like a cartoon mouse. I’m not saying that I don’t like that.
M: Well, ’cause you think that I have a pretty voice and you have a cartoon mouse voice.
L: Okay, that’s true. I did.
M: It was sounding like you’re trying to be a little mean to yourself. (laughs)
L: That’s fair. I did set it up in opposition to pretty. I have an adorable cartoon mouse voice.
Both: (laugh)
L: Okay. I’m gonna start by asking you the question and we’ll just go back and forth and each answer each question.
M: Okay.
L: Megan, what does the word queer mean to you?
M: So, I was thinking what I answered the first time we did this
L: Oh.
M: and I don’t really remember but I know it’s gonna be very similar.
L: Sure.
M: So queer is an umbrella term for anyone on the LGBTQIA+ spectrum. It’s an identity and a sense of community and queer is empowering.
L: I love it. Amazing.
M: So what does the word queer mean to you?
L: I mean, it’s similar. I also see it as an umbrella term, especially when talking about community. I tend to say queer community when I’m talking about my community of people who are on the LGBTQIA+ spectrum. I also like the word queer because it feels a little more political.
M: Mmhm.
L: And that matters to me because I think in- I was gonna say in the current climate but that’s not even true. Just in the world. (laughs) There’s still enough discrimination and marginialization of queer people that, you know, the politics – The person is political – the politics of it matter. So I like the word for that. I will say, and we can go into this another time or whatever, since I have been adopting or re-adopting the word lesbian, I think I talk about myself more as a lesbian, like, a queer lesbian or a lesbian who’s part of the queer community.
M: Yeah. Yeah, we can definitely go into that.
L: Community’s the first word that comes up though and I like that.
M: Me too.
L: Awesome.
M: And I feel like it has a very like, fuck you, ring to it also.
L: Yeah, it’s like, there’s the meme or whatever that’s, “Not gay as in happy but queer as in fuck you.”
M: Yeah. (laughs)
L: I like that. That means a lot to me.
M: Yeah, me too.
L: And now for our regular, Megan, what are you doing to take care of yourself this week?
M: I’m having sex
L: What!?! Amazing.
M: to take care of myself. Yes! So you know this about me and I’ve probably talked about it other times too but I’ve always had an issue with like having a lower sex drive.
L: Yeah.
M: And I think that my meds, ’cause I take Prozac and I’ve heard that’s like, a really bad one to take for that, that it can like kill your sex drive.
L: Sure.
M: So I’ve always struggled with that. And I have- My partner is the opposite and wants to have sex all the time. And we find ways to where we’re both happy like mutual masturbation and stuff like that.
L: Yeah.
M: But this week there’s been a lot of sex going on and I’m just like I don’t know what’s going on but I’ll take it. And I like it. And it helps my anxiety. So that’s what I’ve been doing.
L: That’s amazing.
M: (laughs) So Leigh what have you been doing to take care of yourself this week?
L: This is a very little thing but I think I’ve mentioned here before that I also clean houses as one of my jobs. And I like doing it because it feels like something where I can immediately see the results and it feels like exercise. I mean, it is exercise and it’s really hard for me to exercise, so I love that part of it. It’s also hard on my back. And so I bought myself like, a back brace.
M: Mmhm.
L: Just like, a strachy one to wear while I clean. And it was just a way of, I don’t know, just a way of recognizing, like, hey, I’m old and this shit’s hard on my body.
M: Mmhm.
L: And it’s okay to do something that like, either feels like, more proactive than just like, well I’m cleaning today. I guess I’ll take seven Advil.
M: Yeah.
L: I don’t advocate taking seven Advil. I take five.
M: (laughs)
L: I don’t advocate that either. (laughs) So yeah.
M: Well, that’s super cute though, a back brace.
L: So that’s my little thing yeah, is just, like being more conscious of my body and how I can protect it.
M: I love it.
L: Alright. Next question is, what are you most looking forward to doing when the pandemic is over?
M: Definitely hugging my friends.
L: Yes.
M: That’s the only thing I could come up with ’cause I was reading the questions in advance.
L: Uh huh.
M: And I was like ugh, I wanted to say like, going to a concert or stuff, you know, different things I kept thinking about like, what’s the best answer that I could come up with. But I just ended up hugging my friends is probably the thing that I just can’t wait to do and that I miss doing.
L: Yeah.
M: I’ve moved across the country so everyone is far away from me now.
L: Yeah.
M: But I still can’t wait for that.
L: For folks listening to this, whenever you’re listening to it, we’re now eight months into the pandemic, which is something I don’t think any of us were expecting.
M: No.
L: So what I’m most looking forward to is, and this is silly and very like, bougie, but like, it’s going to brunch.
M: Yeah.
L: I fucking miss brunch.
M: (laughs)
L: I think I said that before but I do. Because for me, my kiddo’s with me during the week and of course now that school is from home, she’s with me every day during the week.
M: Mmhm.
L: And so weekends are like half cleaning time, half social time for me. And obviously like, who I interact with socially is very limited. But that, brunch has always been like, my, okay this is, it’s weekend, you can leisurely. It’s like, I think what going to bars and leisurely drinking is to some people like, leisurely drinking coffee over a few hours
M: Uh huh.
L: while they eat and chat is what that is for me. And so I miss that. I definitely like, you know, I pick food up from restaurants and I go to the grocery store. And there’s a few friends I see like, in my yard or from a distance. But I’m not like, I don’t go to restaurants.
M: Mmhm.
L: And I know that there’s outdoor restaurants open but also LA just had the most cases like, ever, in a single day, or some- So we’re not in a good place for that. So yes, I know some people are already having brunch but like, stop going to fucking brunch.
Both: (laugh)
L: Alright. What have you been watching or reading or listening to in the last like, I don’t know, in the last month?
M: Well, everyone knows I’m obsessed with 90 Day Fiance. So I’ve been watching that, still. There’s always something new to watch. They have spinoff shows, everything. But I’ve been watching Welcome to Plathville, which-
L: I don’t know what that is.
M: It’s a show on TLC.
L: Okay.
M: And it’s about a family who- There’s nine children and the parents have raised them very conservatively. They’re not- Like it’s not a Mormon show or anything but it’s like they’ve been raised on a farm and they’re not allowed to have cell phones and they’re not allowed to use computers. And so, at this point in their lives, there’s- Two children have been married and moved away from the home and the other children are starting to realize there’s more independence and freedom out there. So it’s like them dealing with that. And out of-
L: Is it a reality- It’s a reality show, right?
M: It’s a reality show.
L: Okay. Uh huh.
M: And I’m just like, okay, one of them has to be gay.
L: There’s how many kids? Nine?
M: Yeah. Nine.
L: Definitely.
M: So I’m waiting to see. (laughs) That’s one of my first thoughts. One of them has to be gay. But it was really interesting because there’s like a 17-year old who got a job as a photography assistant and she had to go to San Francisco. It was her first time, from I think Cairo, Georgia.
L: Okay.
M: Or even a town smaller than that. But they just moved to that town.
L: Okay.
M: And so she had to ask her parents if she could go to San Francisco. And they were like, well we don’t like the culture of California. But if you can finish all your schoolwork then you can go.
L: Mmhm.
M: So she went and then they did like a tour of San Francisco and one of the first things was like the gay bar.
L: Sure.
M: I forget what it’s called. It’s like a famous gay bar. I’ve never been to San Francisco. Can you believe that?
L: You haven’t?
M: No.
L: I mean, it was probably somewhere in the Casto, right?
M: Yes.
L: Yeah.
M: And so they were like, this was the first gay bar, and blah blah blah. So when she came home she was like I learned all about the gays.
Both: (laugh)
M: And then her family was just like okay. But then they did like a little thing of them talking later and the mom was like, I don’t think that gay people are any worse or any better than anyone else.
L: Okay.
M: So she was saying, you know. So that was okay. But I just think it’s fascinating because as I, now that I’ve left California, I haven’t missed it that but I’ve realized from being here that everyone’s like, oh my gosh, you’re from California, like that’s so cool,
L: Mmhm.
M: that California is like, it’s this really amazing place and I’m like, wow, everyone in the world thinks that. And now watching this show, it just kind of brought that home for me too. I’m like awwww, good old California. So anyways, I just love to get lost in reality shows like that. So I’ve been like, watching Welcome to Plathville. If anyone’s watched it, let’s discuss. I get so obsessed with my reality shows.
L: That actually sounds like one I would like because I, it has a sort of like weird religious or like cult, kind of
M: Mmhm.
L: like feel or sound I guess.
M: Yeah.
L: ‘Cause I can’t get into the dating ones. But that one, that sounds kind of fun.
M: It is. And it’s- I just love to see the way different people live.
L: Yep.
M: And the kids are so fascinating to me, like they’re growing up and they’re starting to ask those tough questions, like why didn’t you prepare us for the real world.
L: Yeah.
M: And one of them really wants to go to college and she’s afraid her mom and dad don’t want her to go.
L: Okay.
M: Because they had a bad experience in college ’cause of partying.
L: Okay.
M: So, I don’t know. I just love it. And then, as for reading. I haven’t been reading much, which is weird because I love to read.
L: Yeah.
M: But I reread Silver Linings Playbook, which I re-read every year. It’s always like a thing I do each year. I read that.
L: Nice.
M: And it’s always a really beautiful time. I love that book so much. And this is the first time reading it since I’ve been diagnosed with Bipolar.
L: Mmhm.
M: And the guy in the book, he’s Bipolar.
L: Oh, okay.
M: So I thought that was kinda cool.
L: Nice.
M: And then listening to, I made a playlist for NaNoWritMo, which I’m sure we’ll talk about ’cause you’re doing it too.
L: Yes, definitely.
M: So NaNoWriMo is National Novel Writing Month, and there’s a goal of 50,000 words. I’m at 15,000 words right now.
L: That’s so impressive.
M: But I made a playlist because it was asking on the NaNoWriMo.org, do you have a playlist for your novel. And so I was like, oh that’s  a really good idea. I made one. And it’s so random. It has like the Rocky song on it.
L: Uh huh. Yes.
M: It has, hold on, I wanna look at it.
L: You mean, “Eye of the Tiger?”
M: “Gonna Fly Now.”
L: Ohhhh, sure sure sure.
M: And it has Beethoven, “Total Eclipse of the Heart,” (laughs) so random. “Somewhere Out There” by Linda Ronstadt and James Ingram. So weird.
L: Yeah, from American Tale.
M: Yes. So I put songs that made me wanna write but also like as I’ve been writing, songs that remind me of my mom.
L: Yeah, sure.
M: So I’ve been listening to that. It’s super weird and random. My girlfriend’s like what are you listening to cause I was blasting “Total Eclipse of the Heart” for like, days.
L: That’s such a good song.
M: Yeah.
Both: (laugh)
M: Yeah, so that’s my answer for watching, reading, and listening. What about you?
L: Wonderful. Let’s see. Watching, I have mostly been watching, I’m still like doing a watch through of all of The West Wing,
M: Mmhm.
L: like a rewatch. And I’m most of the way through it. It just, I have a lot of criticisms of Aaron Sorkin’s stuff, mostly that he doesn’t really understand how to write women and most of his characters are the same. But they do give really inspiring speeches
M: Mmhm.
L: And there’s something really calming about a lot of their voices, especially Martin Sheen. And so it’s just been, it’s been my like, nighttime have on in the background kind of thing.
M: Mmhm.
L: Sleep has been difficult for me and you know, everyone else. So it’s been really helpful. As far as newer things, I’m, you know, I just watched The Vow and I’m finishing up Seduced. Both of those are about the Nexium cult. And I’m like pretty obsessed with cults.
Both: (laugh)
L: So if you have not seen either of them, watch Seduced. Don’t watch The Vow. It’s too long and it’s, I don’t know, I think it’s people who are kinda shitty trying to cover their ass instead of really looking into all of the horrible things going on. Seduced is on Starz, which like, not everyone has, but I think as of today, or at least this weekend, all four episodes will be out, so you can do that like, one week free trial. Yeah. And then actually last night I watched an incredibly funny and adorable movie Palm Springs,
M: Uh huh.
L: which is Andy Samberg and Cristin Milioti, I think is her name, the mother from How I Met Your Mother. It was really good. Have you seen it?
M: No, I’ve never heard of any of the things you’re talking about. (laughs)
L: Oh my goodness.
M: I know. I’m missing out.
L: So The Vow’s on HBO. It’ about a cult. I won’t like, go all the way into it. It’s wild.
M: I love cults too so I’ll probably love that so I’m gonna write it down.
L: Well, watch Seduced instead then.
M: Okay.
L: Seduced is on Starz right now. Yeah. They’re both about the same cult. If you want to go into like a rabbit hole. It’s Nexium. It’s spelled Nxivm.
M: Okay.
L: It’s wild.
M: I’ll have to google that later.
L: Yeah, Palm Springs just like a comedy. My brother’s here for a few days and we watched it last night. He had already seen it and I had been meaning to so that was just like incredibly charmings. It’s like an infinite loop, Groundhog Day type movie.
M: Nice.
L: And then I have not been reading. That’s the truth of that. I just haven’t been reading. I go in and out of phases. And I’m not in one right now.
M: Yeah.
L: My best friend from college sent me Zadie Smith’s new book called Intimations. It’s just like a collection of essays I think that she wrote in like, quarantine.
M: Mmhm.
L: And so I am excited to read that. So it’s on my shelf but-
M: That sounds good.
L: Yeah. I’m excited. I don’t know if you’ve read anything by her.
M: No I haven’t.
L: She’s a great author. She wrote White Teeth is one of ’em. I’m not gonna think of the names of the other ones right now, but they’re really good. And then, what have I been listening to? Mostly podcasts. (laughs)
M: Oh really?
L: Oh yeah.
M: I have not listened to any podcasts. What have you been listening to?
L: Well, going back to the cleaning, you know, I listen to podcasts while I clean and when I drive. So that’s still a good chunk of my time.
M: Yeah.
L: My favorite podcasts right now are, You’re Wrong About, which I think I’ve talked about before. And then everything on the Obsessed network, so like Obsessed with Disappeared and True Crime Obsessed. And then I also am like, a member of their Patreon where they have like 150 extra episodes.
M: Mmhm.
L: So mostly just people talking about either episodes of Disappeared from Discovery Channel or ID Discovery or whatever that channel’s called now and then recaps of true crime documentaries. I think that’s kind of it. I mean, I’m still listening to To L and Back. That’s the recap show from The L Word. They just finished doing season 5. So I’m kind of excited to hear them talk about season 6, which is one of the worst seasons of television.
M: Oh my god! They just finished season five?
L: They just finished season five.
M: I haven’t listened to that since season one. I used to listen ’cause I used to drive a lot more and now I don’t have a car and I don’t drive.
L: Totally.
M: So that’s pretty much it for podcasts for me ’cause I have a hard time listening when I’m just at home. It like gives me anxiety.
L: Okay, yeah. I could see that.
M: But I miss that podcast.
L: I enjoy it. It’s been a nice way to like, revisit The L Word without having to watch it again. (laughs)
M: See, I’m still watching it. I’m never gonna catch up. I’ve not watched Generation Q because I won’t watch it until I catch up. Who knows when that will be? Probably like two years from now.
L: Aw, Generation Q is not perfect but it was very enjoyable. I’m excited for it to come back.
M: Once I watch, I’ll be like, “Now let’s talk about it!” And it will be old to everyone.
L: That’s how I do everything. I love to be like, “Do you want to talk about this show that ended five years ago?”
M: (laughs)
L: And then, I guess we can move on to what are you grateful for, like, you know, this week, or whatever?
M: Yeah. I’m very grateful for my partner.
L: Awesome.
M: It has been rough since we moved, a little bit. I mean, it’s been lovely. We love it here. I love having an office. It’s great. But we’ve struggled with our mental health.
L: Mmhm.
M: Moving has been hard.
L: Yeah.
M: She’s struggled a little bit with her, I guess it’s sobriety when you’re an addict.
L: Yeah. I mean, people use different words but recovery or sobriety.
M: Yeah, with recovery.
L: Uh huh.
M: That’s probably better. And so I’m just super grateful for her.
L: That’s awesome.
M: And as I’ve been writing the memoir, I’ve thought a lot about past relationships and stuff and so I”m really grateful that I feel very seen by my partner.
L: That’s awesome.
M: Yeah. What are you grateful for?
L: On a macro level, on a global level, that the election is over
M: Mmhm.
L: and that Trump is on his way. And then, like, personally, I”m grateful that I have a much better relationship with my like, family of origin than I’ve had probably ever
M: Yeah.
L: or at least in a very long time. It’s good timing for that since they all live close by and they’re all people that are in my pandemic bubble. So it’s nice to have that option, just to have people around and for my kiddo to have, you know, having my brother back nearby has really nice for me. It’s also been really nice for my kiddo because, you know, she hasn’t gotten to know her uncle all that way because he lived pretty far away for several years. She’s only 8 so I can tell that that’s been really nice.
M: Yeah.
L: Yeah. I mean there’s lots of things. I’m also very grateful for my girlfriend who I think I had just started seeing when we ended the last season. So we’ve been dating for four months now.
M: When did we last record? I was thinking about that today and I couldn’t remember.
L: Well I know that I was dating but she wasn’t my girlfriend yet so I would say that was probably in August. I think it was August.
M: Okay.
L: Yeah. Let’s see. What else? What are you proud of yourself for?
M: I’m proud of myself for doing NaNoWriMo.
L: Yeah.
M: It’s been really hard. I was not expecting this level of PTSD flashbacks
L: Sure.
M: that I’ve been having. And I also wasn’t anticipating like, doing it in the first month of November then the elections happened.
L: Of course.
M: And I was like, “Wow, this is a lot.” But I didn’t give up. One thing that really helps me is I’ve been doing live streams
L: Yeah.
M: of writing sprints on YouTube. And so I think I’ve talked about this at some point. But one of the things I’ve wanted to do- Maybe on Queer Cuts we played that game where it’s like, “What do you want to but you haven’t done?”
L: Mmhm.
M: And I said I wanted to have a YouTube channel.
L: Yeah.
M: Well, I have been focusing more on YouTube. I have like 72 subscribers or something.
L: Nice.
M: So it’s very small but it’s been fun. And I’ve been doing these writing sprints on there. And I was like, “No one’s gonna join but I’m just gonna do it anyways ’cause it will help me.” But I’ve had like three people join and they’ll come in and tell me what they’re writing and it’s been super motivating to like, work with other people that I don’t know. So I’m proud of myself for doing it even though sometimes I don’t want to at all. And writing about- Well, I’ve talked a lot about my mom’s murder on our podcast. But if anyone’s new, that’s what I’m writing my memoir about, is my mom’s murder and my attempted murder, which happened in June of 2006.
L: Yeah.
M: So starting with that- Not that it was easy ’cause it definitely brought up a lot of stuff. But it was like, I know these facts in my head so I can get them out.
L: Yep.
M: But as I’ve been going on to the other chapters about more recent stuff, I’m like, “What am I gonna say? Ugh, I hate it.” And I’ve just been trying to think of it as like, it’s gonna be a beautiful disaster, the first draft.
L: Yeah.
M: So just keep writing anyways even though I’m like, “What the fuck am I doing? This is horrible.” I’m just trying to do it anyways and then I’ll go back and edit it and then
L: Yeah!
M: (laughs) hopefully make sense out of it all. But it’s been definitely very rough. And I’ve missed like five days so far.
L: I’m so proud of you though. You have so many words. I’m trying to really like, use that as a motivating force without like, comparing myself.
M: Mmhm.
L: I’m just gonna piggyback on that ’cause I’m also doing NaNoWriMo. I’ve known about it for a long time and I’ve like, said I was gonna do it, I don’t know, at least two other times, if not more
M: Uh huh.
L: and never even started. And so this time I’ve started and I’ve been able- I don’t have a ton of words. I have, let’s see, I’m looking it up. I have 8,889 words.
M: But that’s so good!
L: Which is okay. I mean, yeah, I’m excited, like, the first kind of, 10,000 words feels like a big milestone so I’m very close to that. I have not been able to write every day. But what I’m proud of is that I haven’t quit just because I wouldn’t keep up,
M: Mmhm.
L: which is a big deal for me, and that I’m like, learning how to make time for writing.
M: Yes! It’s becoming a thing.
L: Yes. And like, not being so precious about it. Like, not feeling like I have to have like, the perfect inspiration and the perfect setting.
M: Mmhm.
L: And just being like, I’m a lot more comfortable with it being bad and without that being a judgement on myself, with like, what I want to come out of this with. ‘Cause the idea is you write 50,000 words. I want to come out of this with 50,000 words so that I have things to dig though,
M: Yeah.
L: even if very little of it ends up in a final draft. My goal is to write a collection of essays or personal essays. So I’m like, in the memoir side of things
M: Mmhm.
L: but not as like, one cohesive story. But yeah. I’m proud of myself that I’m just writing again. I’m also regularly writing for Hustler online.
M: Which is amazing.
L: Thank you.
M: Yes, I’m proud of you too!
L: Thank you. I’m doing like, three to four articles a month now. Yeah, so that’s exciting.
M: That’s so good.
L: Look at us!
M: Look at us becoming authors and shit.
L: I love that.
M: (laughs)
L: I love that. I could use that as a mug. I feel like I need that mug too. I love it.
M: Yes. I got it as a mug on Amazon and I got it as a notebook on Amazon also because that’s just how I am. I had to get more than one thing that said the same thing.
L: No, that’s really cute. Maybe that will be a good thing to treat myself to.
M: Yes! You should.
L: I like that idea. And then the last question from our newly revamped Queer and A is, what made you smile today?
M: So my answer’s kinda silly but I’m just go with it because it’s the first thing that I thought of and that is weed.
L: That’s not silly. (laughs)
M: (laughs)
L: That is a lifesaver. (laughs)
M: So I go through phases where I don’t smoke at all and then I get really into it again. And I know I’ve texted you probably more than anyone when I’m like, “Wow. I’m high.”
L: Yeah.
M: And I can’t make sense of words like texting and stuff but I go through phases and right now I’m in a good phase with it where I feel relaxed and good so I was like, what made me smile today, hmmm, the fact that I have a weed pen. Because in California it was so easy to get and here it is not easy to get.
L: Oh, shit. I totally forgot about- Is it not legal there?
M: No.
L: Oh, right. Oh, I’m in such a bubble. I totally forgot.
M: Yeah, I’m still getting texts from the places I used to go in California
L: Uh huh.
M: that are like, “We’re having a sale here.” And I’m like, “Ohhh, why are they texting me?” It just makes me miss being able to be there and it was so easy and, you know.
L: Ah, it is easy.
M: Yeah. So that’s what made me smile today. We have pen’s from my partner’s friend from Seattle. He sent them to us. (laughs)
L: Aw, that’s awesome. That’s great.
M: Yeah.
L: No, funny enough that has been one of the things that actually slowed me down a few different days on the NaNoWriMo is that my tolerance went up for weed for like, to help me sleep, so I’ve had to like increase my- ’cause I do gummies. So I’ve to increase my dosage. And I was having like real problems sleeping the last few months so what that means is that I will sometimes have the gummies and then start writing and like wait a little too long in between and be like, “Ohhh I’m really high.”
M: (laughs)
L: Like, I don’t think I’m high because I’m not doing anything. And then I try to write and I’m like, “Whaaat?”
Both: (laugh)
L: So that’s happened a few times. But no, hey, nothing wrong with that making you smile. What made me smile today? Oh, so I cleaned earlier today and it’s someone’s house who I clean, you know, I’ve been cleaning for a year, cleaning their place. But they recently got a cat
M: Mmhm.
L: and so what made me smile is that I, one, was able to be in a house with a cat, which I mean, we’ve talked about before
M: So amazing. Yeah!
L: My girlfriend has a cat so I’m definitely in that. But also-
M: I’m so excited for you. ‘Cause I remember us talking about that so much before
L: Yes.
M: in other seasons. ‘Cause now we’re on season three. So we have multiple seasons.
L: We do. So just like being, not only being able to like, you know, be in a house with a cat. But this is a cat she got from a shelter. It was from a no kill shelter. And the cat had been there for like six years.
M: Awww.
L: So it’s like really skittish and also since I was cleaning I had to like vacuum and I know he didn’t love that.
M: Yeah.
L: But he did stay like, he didn’t immediately run under the bed and hide. He did stay like, sitting in his little bed. It was just kinda nice.
M: That is nice.
L: And just pets in general. I’m just delighted by animals again. I was walking with kiddo the other day. You know that like famous pomeranian Boo?
M: No.
L: That little adorable? Oh my god, look this thing up.
M: I’ll look it up right now.
L: It looks like a teddy bear.
M: What is the Instagram name?
L: Oh, you know what? The dog’s not alive anymore.
M: Oh no! (laughs) Oh no!
L: That’s sad.
M: That’s horrible.
L: I mean, he was 13 and he’s a teeny tiny dog.
M: Awww, yeah.
L: If you just look up Boo pomeranian. But don’t look up anything sad. But he looks like a tiny teddy bear. And me and the kiddo were taking a walk the other day and a lady walked by us and you know, we all had a mask on. And she was very much like, “Will you pet my dog?” ‘Cause I think her dog just misses people. It was six months old and we pet it and it was like petting a fluffly teddy bear that could walk.
M: Aw, how cute.
L: And it tried to follow us. I love it. Did you look him up?
M: Yes.
L: Right.
M: Adorable.
L: It’s ridiculous. So those are our new questions. And what we’re gonna do, and you know, they may shift. But for now those are going to be how we start off episodes where we have guests. Because y’all we’re gonna have guests this season.
M: We are!
L: We are, to the point that like, we have our next episode scheduled and we have our guest booked already. So we’re real excited to start doing the thing that we wanted to do like two years ago.
M: Yeah.
L: Yeah.
M: Can we say who it is or is it a surprise?
L: I think it’s okay to say who it is.
M: Okay. It’s Mistress Justine Cross. I’m so excited!
L: Yes. She’s awesome and amazing and we’re excited for those of you who don’t know her to find out more about her. Yeah. So look out for that in a couple weeks. That’ll be our next episode for this season.
M: Yeah!
L: Another thing as far as housekeeping goes, we’re going to, as some of you know we have a Patreon and if you join our Patreon for as little as $1 a month you get access to anything we have on there and the main thing is our mini episodes called Queer Cuts.
Both: (laugh)
M: Yes. I love when you say that.
L: I knooow. (laughs) And so we’re gonna start doing Queer Cuts live so that you can join us and listen and I don’t understand how anything works so Megan…
M: So what you’re gonna do, if you’re already a Patreon member or a Patron I suppose I can say,
L: Mmhm.
M: then we will go on at a certain time, which is actually 4 p.m. Pacific time, right?
L: Yep.
M: on the 22nd. And we’ll keep announcing it so you’ll know. All you have to do is log on and see our most recent post and click that.
L: Mmhm.
M: And then you will be on our little live Queer Cuts on YouTube and you can type in the chat box. We can see it and we can respond.
L: That’s awesome.
M: So we can have people interacting with us and I can’t wait. And hopefully there will be people on. And if not, it’s okay. We’ll just entertain ourselves.
L: Okay, and this is a dumb question. But will it be recorded so that they can listen to it later?
M: Yes. So everyone can watch the replay if you can’t be there live.
L: Awesome.
M: But you get to see us recording.
L: Yeah, and you know, we love getting questions. I used to write Ask Sex Coach Leigh column and we kind of brought that into the podcast a little bit and I don’t know. We just like to hear what you’re interested in, what you want to hear about in future episodes. Yeah, we’d love to interact more. So hopefully folks who are already Patrons or those who are interested in joining can do and then can start joining us on our Queer Cuts live.
M: Yeah, and we tried to keep it reasonable. $1 is the lowest amount you can go on Patreon. So hopefully whoever wants to join, hopefully that’s a reasonable amount for them to be able to. And I’m just so excited because I love doing things on camera.
L: Yeah! And I haven’t in a long time and that’ll be a lot of fun.
M: Yeah! And like, before when I used to be a cam model, you know, I was always on camera. So now I’ve been finding ways to do like, different things like, live and YouTube. So I think it’s filling this kind of a thing that I have this need to like, be out on camera. It’s weird.
L: No, I love it.
M: I’m an exhibitionist. (laughs)
L: Yeah! I get that. I mean, I have no- I don’t have like a huge drive to be on camera but I also don’t have anything like, any problem with it. I like it. My brain just went blank. There was a thing I was gonna say. Oh, yeah! If you are not yet a Patron but you want to be, the dollar a month gives you not just access to Queer Cuts but also I will send you a little welcome pack with like, some stickers and some lube from Überlube and something that I like draw or color or design for you, like a little card. I have fun doing that, especially, you know, being home so much. So that’s another reason to join.
M: And no only that but you can hear, we used to post clips that we cut out of episodes but we haven’t had as much anymore.
L: Right.
M: I think that was like, all season one but we got better at podcasting.
L: (laughs)
M: So we don’t ever have anything to cut out anymore.
L: Yeah.
M: But you can hear everything that we’ve ever cut out of our episodes before. Some of them were pretty funny. (laughs)
L: Yeah. And even though this is us just starting the Queer Cuts live thing, we’ve been doing Queer Cuts since the beginning so you’ll still get access to all of those as well,
M: Yeah.
L: which are our mini episodes. One or two of them have had a guest. Sometimes they’re just really short. Sometimes they’re more like 15 or 20 minutes. So yeah.
M: So I can’t for people to be able to come hang out with us.
L: Me too.
M: And I think it will be fun to do on a Sunday night so it’s like before your week starts
L: Mmhm.
M: so we can come encourage you and be your gay moms
L: Yaaaay.
M: and give you motivation for your week.
L: Tell you to drink water.
M: I thought you were gonna say tell you to drink wine.
Both: (laugh)
L: You can also drink wine as long you have water too so you don’t wake up with a headache. (laughs)
M: Yeah. But that would be fun.
L: Yeah! If you follow our Instagram or you’ve been watching that, we recently did a request for illustrators so that we could get a new headshot for our logo. We decided we wanted to have it illustrated this time. So first thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone who either sent us a DM or sent us an e-mail or suggested a friend. You all are so amazingly talented. I tried to respond to everybody so hopefully if you sent us something you did hear back. I made a spreadsheet so that, you know, if we do things in the future we can reach out to other people. So we super, super appreciate that. We have some merch ideas in the works that we will talk about more in the future but we’ll probably try to work with some of these artists. And then we got a new logo.
M: And I love it. It’s adorable.
L: Yes. It’s so good. I think that it was just exactly what we were looking for.
M: Mmhm.
L: And so the artist, her name is Heather and her Instagram is @heathyart. She was a delight to work with.
M: And so quick.
L: So quick. So talented. So exactly what we were looking for. So go to our, well actually it probably is showing it now on your podcast app.
M: Yeah.
L: But if it’s not, you know, go to our Instagram, check it out and give Heather a follow as well. Yeah.
M: And I have something that I wanted to talk about, that my partner and I are doing.
L: Amazing.
M: And we are launching a new subscription box called Boi Box. On Instagram it will be @officialboibox.
L: @officialboibox. That’s boi, right?
M: Yes. B-O-I.
L: Mmhm.
M: And so, I am obsessed with subscription boxes. I get like makeup boxes, astrology and tarot boxes and stuff like that. And my partner was like, “I want to get a box.” And she was like, “There’s no boxes for me.” ‘Cause she’s not into makeup. She’s not into astrology and stuff. And so we looked up like tomboy boxes. We couldn’t really find anything.
L: Mmhm.
M: So we were like, “Hey! We should start a box where it’s for masculine-of-center queers.”
L: Mmhm.
M: That’s what we have said. I’m not sure if that’s like, the best way to put it. But that’s just what we’ve come up with so far.
L: Yeah.
M: And so it’s gonna have like, hair stuff and lotion and there’s all kind of different stuff. But we’ve been working with some amazing queer artists and we decided that we’re gonna launch in January and our first artist of the month is gonna be C. Dolim, which I always repost their stuff. They’re awesome. They’re from Long Beach.
L: Yes.
M: And the co-host of, or the host of what is it called? Queer Mondays.
L: Queer Mondays, right? Yep.
M: At Que Sera, which is since, you know, because of the pandemic has turned into like, a Twitch show I believe.
L: Okay.
M: And I just reposted that they’re looking for artists for that. So anyways, we’re really excited and I wanted to kind of announce it here before we announce it officially on Instagram and on our website. ‘Cause I was thinking if there were any artists who were interested or if you make anything that you think would be in alignment with that kind of a box,
L: Mmhm.
M: reach out to us because we’re looking for people, you know, of course we’re paying people for their product. And so that’s something new and exciting that we’re working on.
L: That’s awesome. I’m excited for that.
M: I’m so excited. I love to see my partner have like a creative outlet to work on and making their website, you know. She was so excited and I was like, “Yes! I will repost on Queers Next Door. I’ll talk about it. Like, we’ll try to get as much traction as we can so that it can be a success.”
L: I love it. I’m legitimately excited for it too. I like products (laughs) and I like the idea of subscription boxes and like, I do obviously like tarot and astrology but I don’t like makeup. You know, I’m not really femme especially in that way. And a lot of the subscription boxes are a little more femme than my preferences. So I’m really excited about this. Not just because I think it’s rad that you guys are doing this but because I want it.
M: Even the tarot ones and all that I’m realizing, I have an issue with like, I just reposted something about this on our Instagram on Queers Next Door that says, “It’s always about the divine feminine.”
L: Oh yeah. I have a lot of feelings about the divine feminine.
M: Yes! And so I’ve always had an issue with that but I never really knew how to explain it.
L: Yep.
M: And so I think it was Margot Feldman,
L: Yes. Yes.
M: her name was,
L: Yes.
M: talked about that. And so I reposted it because I thought that was such an important message. Because I’m also a life coach. I’ve done like three certifications for life coaching and I never use it.
L: Mmhm.
M: But I just, I don’t know, I’m so interested in that and I hear that all the time. It’s like, very boss babes and female entrepreneur and then you have like, the tarot and crystal side where it’s like the feminine energy.
L: Yep.
M: And so I’ve always felt like there was something missing with that and so I really love the way Margot explains that. It’s like, you could use different words like, not the divine feminine, but the divine intuition.
L: Yep.
M: And I was like, so that’s something that’s really missing out there.
L: So in the world of sex coaching that also like, very like, the training does have a very binary feel to it.
M: Uh huh.
L: And it does fall into, you know, when you start to think especially about more esoteric kind of coaching, you know, like tantra and things like that.
M: Mmhm.
L: They get real caught up in things like, you know, unleashing your feminine or your masculine energy. And I have always thought, like, just been really twitchy about that. So that’s, yeah, I’m 100% with you on that.
M: Mmhm.
L: When you mentioned the boss babes and stuff like that. There’s also, on our Instagram, in our story highlights, there’s a collaboration that I did with my friend Ashley’s organization called Do the Damn Thing and it’s for feminist creatives. So if anyone wants to check that out, we talked specially, you know, Ashley reached out to me about just having a conversation about how your business can use more gender neutral terms or how you can even be like a feminist group without having to say things like, yeah, like boss babe and boss bitch and
M: Girl boss.
L: girl boss. Ugh. I hate it all.
M: (laughs)
L: And it’s okay. And also realizing that it’s okay if you use those words to describe yourself but just to be aware that like, who your audience is and if you are excluding folks that you might otherwise want to bring in
M: Yeah.
L: by using those kind of terms.
M: Yeah, it’s totally okay if it’s for you but then if you’re trying to attract other people you have to be aware of that.
L: Yes.
M: Kind of got off on a different tangent there but
L: That’s okay.
M: Super excited for Boi Box.
L: Yay!
M: And like I said, I don’t know like, I think we’re gonna be, we’re very fluid. We don’t know exactly the direction we’re going
L: Mmhm.
M: because we want to appeal to those who are just like not femmes.
L: Yep.
M: And we didn’t know with the title, was that gonna be okay with everyone. And in the first box there’s going to be a candle that says Nonbinary.
L: Mmhm.
M: And we don’t know, we don’t really know. We’re just going with it. It’s like, it feels right. This is the direction we’re heading. So I’m super excited. I hope people subscribe.
L: I think that’s awesome. And I will just, speaking only for myself, like I don’t identify as femme but I also don’t identify as like, a boi or a tomboy. But you know, but that doesn’t make me feel like it’s not for me
M: Yeah.
L: in any way. Same way like TomboyX please be a sponsor because I give you guys way too much money.
Both: (laugh)
L: The pandemic all I’ve worn is boxers. So that’s another like, yeah, I don’t really call myself a tomboy per se but some of that’s also because that’s always felt kind of like sporty and athletic
M: Yeah.
L: from the way that I was like, or when I was growing up. And I’m not that thing. But I still think it feels like it’s for me.
M: Good.
L: Yeah.
M: My partner Cheryl, I call her my girlfriend all the time, because she is a girl. That feels right with her. But sometimes I call her my boifriend.
L: Mmhm.
M: And whenever I spell it, it’s B-O-I
L: Yeah.
M: and that also feels right for her. So we were like, “Let’s do the boi box.”
L: Awesome.
M: So that’s how we came up with that.
L: Also it rhymes with toy box. It’s very cute.
M: And we put that it’s not suitable for people under 18 because there might be adult products.
L: Mmhm.
M: So she’s been planning it out. Like she already has all the way up to February. And if I can spoil the first month’s art, it’s going to be a print that says Keep Calm and Fingerbang.
L: Amazing.
M: Yeah. That’s by C. Dolim, love them, love all of their art. So I’ll report on Queers Next Door when we launch our Instagram. So if anyone’s interested please follow. If you are an artist or you make anything that you think would work in the Boi Box, just reach out and I’ll be sure to respond.
L: So I have not been keeping track of time. I don’t know how far in we are.
M: We’re at 53 minutes already.
L: Oh, look at us!
M: We basically recorded our whole epsidoe.
L: That makes sense.
Both: (laugh)
L: That’s awesome. Is there anything else. Oh, the other thing is, I was just gonna say, speaking of like, other brands and other things. We should, we have a few companies that we’ve worked with that we like. And we’d love to do a giveaway again. So we’re at like 13,700 Instagram followers right. So if y’all could help us get to 15k, that’s gonna be our next giveaway I think.
M: Yeah.
L: That, or like, Valentine’s Day, whichever comes first.
M: And Sudio, they sent me two pairs of headphones so we can do a giveaway in January of that.
L: Yeah, that’s great.
M: We can also do something else, you know.
L: Yeah, and check out our Instagram for our collaborations with Sudio and they just make really rad headphones, wireless and like, wireless earbuds and wireless headphones.
M: And the speaker.
L: And speaker, yeah that’s right. They’re just like, they have a cool design. They’re really good sound quality. We like them a lot.
M: So are we at the end of our episode? We did it?
L: I think we did it. I feel like that was like a, today was like, a very like, we’re finally out of Mercury retrograde
M: Mmhm.
L: and, you know, collective stress. And this was just like, this was run like a tight ship today. (laughs)
M: Yeah! We did it! We did it!
L: We did it! Well, we’re thrilled to be back. Hopefully we will hear from some of you for our Queer Cut live next week. And we’ll talk about that more.
M: Yeah!
L: The Instagram’s gonna be your best bet. We’re just @queersnextdoor.
M: Yeah, to keep up with everything that’s going on.
L: Yep. And I am grateful for Megan because you are the real MVP behind our Instagram.
Both: (laugh)
M: Well thank you. I’m grateful for you because you do so much behind the scenes, all the spread sheets and everything that I don’t like to do.
L: (laughs) I do like a good spreadsheet.
M: We make a good team.
L: We do.
M: (laughs)
L: And we are four days away from, as we’re recording today, from our two year anniversary
M: Yay!
L: of starting this little thing we got. So thank you.
M: So you’re one of my longest committed partnerships.
L: Uh huh.
M: (laughs)
L: Same. So look at us. Thank you to all of you who’ve helped us be able to keep this going and make this happen. We love you all.
M: Stay safe.
L: Stay safe.
M: Drink water.
L: Wear a mask. Fuck the police.
M: Yes. (laughs) Exactly. All right.
L: Okay.
M: We will see you next time
L: Yeah.
M: with our guest.
L: Wooo!
M: So exciting.
L: Thanks for listening to Queers Next Door. We hope you enjoyed it. Be sure to follow, subscribe, and leave a review wherever you listen to your podcasts.
M: If you like what we’re doing, join the Queers Next Door fan club at patreon.com/queersnextdoor to receive all of our exclusive content, and we’ll mail you a fun little surprise. You can find the link on our blog queersnextdoor.com. Cheers, queers!

About Queers Next Door

we take the topics you care about - sex, feminism, kink, social justice, and entertainment - and look at them through a queer AF lens. Cheers, queers! <3

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