M: Coffee all the way. I like tea but not as much as coffee.
L: Yeah. Like, I don’t see you as not drinking tea but you’re, like, a regular coffee drinker. And you, like, a several words to your Starbucks order coffee drinker, right?
M: (laughs) Yeah.
L: (laughs) Awesome.
Kate: Hi. I’m Kate, a sex journalist and sex blogger.
Bex: And I’m Bex, a sex educator and sex blogger.
K: And we host a podcast called The Dildorks.
B: It’s exactly what it sounds like, a show by and for sex nerds.
K: It’s dorky discourse on sex, dating, and mastubating.
B: We get into the really vital questions like, “How do you ask out that cute stranger from Twitter?”
K: “What’s the best vibrator to use when you’re stoned off your ass?”
B: And, “What does it mean to have a good blow job dick?” I mean, to be honest, we just- We talk a lot about blow jobs.
K: Blow jobs are great. For all this and more, search The Dildorks on iTunes or wherever you get your podcasts.
B: New episodes every Wednesday, full of sex nerdy goodness.
K: Until next time folks, get out there and live your sexy, dorky life.
L: So yeah. So that was level one and then…
M: I’m very impressed with this game. It’s really cool.
L: Isn’t it? It’s fun. Yeah, so level two is Connection. “What is your first love’s name and the reason you fell in love with them?”
M: Oh boy.
L: And you don’t, like, have to, ’cause we’re on a podcast,
L: You don’t have to say their name (laughs) if you don’t want to.
M: I will say Nicole
M: and because they were there for times of my life that were just, like, unexplainably hard and even there for me after the relationship ended,
L: Mmhm. How old were you?
M: Was I 19? 19 and 20.
M: It makes me want to sing Tegan and Sara.
M: (sings) I was nineteeeeen. (laughs)
L: Sweet. Okay, the one you’re gonna ask me is – Oof, this is tough – “What part of your life works and what part of your life hurts?”
M: Oooh. So do you want me to say it again?
M: What part of your life works and what part of your life hurts? That’s a tough one.
L: I know, right? Let’s see. As far as the part of my life that works, I would say, like, the work I do works, even though I don’t make a ton of money, like, I’m not using that as my- I’m saying, like, what works emotionally. So I would say, like,
L: I would say my coaching work and this podcast, my relationship with my kiddo, even though it’s a little strange right now (laughs) during lockdown. It still goes in the works category. My friendships and my community are hugely in the, like, what parts works. What part hurts? I mean, it’s so amplified right now because of the lockdown. I mean, I think being single hurts right now.
L: But I don’t necessarily equate being single with being lonely. And that’s been, like, a lot of work to get to a place where, like, I don’t feel that way and I feel really grateful about that.
L: But being, like, physically alone during all of this is probably, like, what hurts the most.
M: Awww. I’m sorry.
L: Oh, it’s okay. Yeah.
M: What a question that was.
L: I know. It’s intense. Oh, here you go. Here’s yours. “What lesson took you the longest to unlearn?”
M: That jealousy does not equal love.
L: Ooh, that’s really good.
M: And not just jealousy but a lot of negative things, like, I think we just did our episode about gender and that’s one of the things that make me angry about growing up, as a girl,
M: is the whole, like, boys are mean to you and it means they like and stuff, which like carried into other areas of, you know, people are jealous because they love and people- And then kind of expecting that negative stuff to happen.
L: Yeah. That’s a really good one. Okay. This is what you get to ask me. “Are you lying to yourself about anything?'” Oof.
M: Ooooh. Are you lying to yourself about anything?
L: Hmm. I don’t think so. I think I’m pretty honest with myself. Like, I’m not always, like, thrilled with how my emotions manifest but I think I’m pretty, like, self-aware.
L: So I ‘m trying to think. I mean, I feel good that, like, there wasn’t an immediate answer to that. No, I don’t think so.
M: Well that’s good.
L: Yeah. That’s kind of boring but I think that’s the truth. “What are you more afraid of, failure or success? And why?”
M: So that’s what I answer?
M: Ooh. I think I’m more afraid of success.
M: Mmm because there’s more, it’s more risky. It’s like more unknown. Not that I’m always failing at everything I do, but it feels, like, comfortable and I know how to fail
L: Mmhm. Yeah.
M: and to restart and stuff. But it’s like I don’t always know how to succeed.
M: So there’s the unknown element there.
L: Okay. The one you’re gonna ask me is, “What’s your father’s name? And tell me one thing about him.”
M: Oh, I like this one. What’s your father’s name? And tell me one thing about him.
L: I’m not gonna say his name on the podcast just because I don’t talk about my family with names.
L: But I will say one thing about him. My dad is retired and every week he gets up at like 3:30 in the morning and drives to this community, like, outside of where he lives with my mom and gives food out to homeless folks.
M: Oh, that’s so nice.
L: I know. And since the pandemic they’ve just found a way to streamline, like, changing it where they’re not serving food in the same way, like, in a line, but they’re still giving out as much, if not more, food. They’re just, you know, they added masks and gloves and more of, like, a delivery line and even putting things like straight into people’s cars.
L: But they’re still serving, like, a whole bunch of families. Yeah. And it’s something that I just that he started doing in his retirement, probably in the last year or two. And I don’t know. I find it really delightful that that’s something he’s chosen to do with his time.
M: That is amazing!
L: Yeah. Okay. “How would you describe the feeling of being in love in one word?”
M: Oooh. I was gonna say smitten. That’s not good.
M: But that’s my response.
L: Why is it not good?
M: Is that not a good- I don’t know.
L: No, it’s cute!
M: Is that real?
M: Then I’m analyzing it too much. So smitten is my word.
L: But I will say, regardless, that smitten is one of my favorite words ’cause it’s just a really cute word.
M: It’s such a good one.
L: It’s so cute. It rhymes with kitten.
L: Awesome. I like that. Okay. Then you’re gonna ask me, “When was the last time you surprised yourself?”
M: When was the last time you surprised yourself?
L: This is a very silly answer but it’s the first thing that came to mind. So I used to be really afraid of spiders and then I hit a point where I was kind of, like, “Okay, well I’m a single parent and I live in LA, and there’s spiders everywhere, so I’m just gonna have to be able to kill a spider.” But then I moved past that and I feel bad killing spiders. So the other day I just straight up put a spider on a piece of paper and carried it outside.
M: Oh my god. That’s the best answer.
L: Yeah. I used to- And just, like, and it wasn’t a big deal. And, like, a few years ago that would have made my skin crawl, so yeah.
M: Mmhm. Well good for you.
L: I got over my arachnophobia. Now spiders are friends. (laughs)
M: They are. Sometimes I still kill them and I’m the designated spider killer of my relationship.
M: But sometimes I take them out or any bug, I try to take ’em out if possible.
L: Yeah. I never thought I would be the bug person but I’m here to be the bug person in the relationship.
L: “What’s been your happiest memory this past year?”
M: Cuddling my dog.
M: Yeah, my partner was like, “She’s your little best friend.” And I was like, “That’s so true. She’s my little bestie.”
L: That’s really nice. I love that you have her. That’s so sweet.
M: Oh my gosh. I love her so much.
L: Okay. You’re gonna ask me, “What question are you trying to answer most in your life right now?”
M: What question are you trying to answer most in your life right now?
L: I guess, like, what I want my relationships to look like
L: going forward. Yeah. Or, like, questions around that, you know, like, who’s the right person for me or what do I have to offer or what things do I want to avoid, you know?
L: Doing a lot of that work in my head right now.
M: Well this is the perfect time to do it, right?
L: I know, right? It sure is. Let’s see. “If you could have it your way, who would you be with, where you be, and what would you be doing?”
M: I would be with my partner in Maryland out to dinner with her family.
L: Aww. That’s really sweet.
M: ‘Cause that’s what we did when we went to Maryland to see her family. We went two times and it was so much fun. I love being there and I really miss being out to dinner and stuff. I just love restaurants and the energy and the people all around and hearing the laughing and stuff. I miss that,
M: which I think I took for granted my whole life because I’m so used to being able to do it and now we can’t.
M: And she really has the sweetest family.
L: Aww. That’s really sweet. I love that. Should we keep going on this section or should we move to the last one?
M: I think we can move to the last one.
L: Okay. Let’s do it.
M: I don’t know how long we’ve been recording but I’m looking at the time. I don’t know. It doesn’t, like, say how long we’ve been on.
L: I think we’ve probably been recording for, like, 35 minutes or so.
M: Oh, okay. So maybe like ten more minutes.
L: Yeah. Okay. So level three is Reflection. Okay. Am I asking you or are you asking me? I just got lost.
M: I think I’m asking you.
L: Okay. Then it’s, “What answer of mine made you light up?”
M: What answer of mine made me- made you light up?
L: Honestly the last two because I’m really happy for you that you’re with- I know you’re not in Maryland but I’m really happy for you that you’re with your dog and your partner right now.
L: I know it’s been [quite a] a…year. Or two.
M: It really has.
L: It’s been some years. And so I’m just, and we’re in the middle of such a weird fucking place, but I’m really happy that you’re happy and that you’re surrounded by people and animals who love you.
M: Aww. Thank you.
L: Of course. “When this game is over what will you remember about me?”
M: That’s so sad. (laughs)
L: I know, like you’ll never see me again.
M: I know. (laughs) This is the end. What will I remember about you when this game is over? I will remember that you conquered your fear of spiders.
M: Yeah. Something I probably wouldn’t have learned otherwise.
L: There you go. I know. Oh then you’re asking me, “What question were you most afraid to answer?”
M: What question were you most afraid to answer?
L: I don’t think I was afraid to answer any of ’em but I did have a moment with that like, “Are you lying to yourself?” kind of thing, where I was like, “I don’t know. Am I lying to myself?” (laughs)
M: Yeah. That’s a hard one.
L: “Do I not know that I’m lying to myself?” So that’s…
M: Yeah, you’ll be thinking about that one later.
L: I know, right? Yeah. Exactly. “What parts of yourself do you see in me?”
M: Hmm. I think we’re both highly sensitive and very caring and nurturing people.
M: Don’t we have the same, what is it called, enneagram?