Episode 22 Transcript- We’re Not Really Strangers

Megan: Welcome to Queers Next Door
Leigh: with your hosts Leigh and Megan.

M: We take the topics you care about:
L: sex, relationships, feminism, kink, social justice, and entertainment,
M: and look at them through a queer as fuck lens.
L: Find us on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook at Queers Next Door
M: and make sure to follow the blog at queersnextdoor.com.

L: Cheers, queers!
M: Okay. (laughs)
L: Are you recording?
M: Yes, I’m recording.
L: And everything looks good?
M: It does.
L: Okay. Hi everyone! We just wanted to let you know that we are recording this on (laughs) I don’t know what day it is. Is it June 12?
M: Yes.
L: We’re recording this on June 12. We are about to play a episode that we recorded almost a month ago and so we wanted to do a little intro to talk about what’s going on in the world and explain why when you listen to the episode you’re not confused as to where in space it exists, (laughs) when we talk about like, you know, what we’ve been doing to take care of ourselves and everything. So, you know, we are kind of right in the middle of fuckin’ revolution and, you know, we’ve been posting about thngs on our Instagram, buy we want to continue to let folks know that we a Black Lives Matter highlight on our Instagram page. So anything that we’re posting in stories, which is a lot of, like, resources and organizations, people to follow, places to donate. Those will be archived in the stories. So, you know, if you haven’t made your way there and you want to do some learning or find some folks to donate to, that’s going to always be there. The other thing is we posted a place, a post, what, we posted a post.
M: (laughs)
L: I’m not- (laughs) We had a post the other day for our Black queer and trans followers to drop their CashApp or Venmo so that folks could pay reparations directly and I think that’s an awesome practice for people to get into if you want to be supporting Black folks directly. Obviously there’s a lot of great organizations out there so keep donating to those as well, you know, but I’m glad we have a lot of really awesome followers who were vulnerable enough to post their things and who were supportive enough to, you know, be there for other followers. So anyway, the point of that is we’re gonna do that once a month. So I know it can be hard to like, look at the bottom of the post to see if people have added their info. And I don’t want it to get like, lost in the social media churn. So yeah. That’s something we’re gonna do on a monthly basis.
M: Yeah. There was one thing that I found really cool. It’s that if you don’t have money to donate but you want to help in a way, there’s a Black Lives Matter YouTube you can play, even in the background while you’re working, and put it on mute and just let it run all the way through, even all the ads, so that they get money from that. So we’ll definitely link to that and put it in our highlight feed as well.
L: Awesome, yeah. And that’s where you just turn off your ad blocker, right?
M: Yes.
L: And you just let it play through.
M: Uh huh.
L: Okay. That’s great. That’s a good one. Another thing that we just wanted to offer, if any of our Black listeners have a business or an organization or anything that you want to advertise for, send us either- Send us an e-mail at queersnextdoor@gmail.com or send us a DM through our Instagram. And we would be thrilled to advertise for you for free, on the podcast or on Instagram or both. Yeah. So it doesn’t matter what it is, whether it’s like an organization you really like, it’s your own business, it’s something you’re trying to get started, whatever. We would love to do that. So let us know.
M: Or even your podcast ads.
L: Yeah.
M: That would be fun.
L: Yeah. And we’re always down to like trade podcast ads. But in this case we’re also happy to just put the ad out there as is. We were talking about how, as White folks, it can be, there can be this worry that you’re going to say the wrong thing. And like, I think we’re trying to address that and acknowledge that, that you’re like, yeah, you’re gonna fuck up. Everyone’s gonna fuck up.
M: Mmhm.
L: But it’s not an excuse to not talk about this stuff. Yeah. I don’t know. Megan, maybe I’ll start by asking or end by asking what you’ve been doing to take care of yourself and what you’ve been doing to, I don’t know, show up during what’s been going on lately.
M: Yeah. So I have no been able to do much moneywise. And hopefully that will change soon because I have a shit ton of jobs. I’m just waiting to get paid. (laughs) But a thing that I’ve really had to reflect on recently is that I have a lot of racist family. And in the past they have been things like- Oh. By the way, today is four years since the Pulse anniversary, the shooting.
L: Yes.
M:  And when that happened I remember unfollowing and blocking a bunch of family and family friends. And so any time something happens, like the George, what happened with George Floyd and the horrible murder, that people start posting, you know. So I’m having family members and stuff posting All Lives Matter and Blue Lives Matter and stuff like that. My natural reaction is like, “Fuck them and I wanna block them.” But something I’ve reflected on recently is that Black people have to sit with this like, discomfort all that time and so, for me, I’ve made this kind of promise to myself that I’m not gonna do that, that I’m gonna continue to have the hard conversations. And sometimes I still feel like I don’t know what to say or I just get to worked up over it. And I know that’s part of my like, I don’t know, White fragility stuff.
L: Yeah.
M: So I’m having- There’s a ton of resources going around right now about what to say in response to All Lives Matter. So every time I see something like that, I’m screen shotting that and hope I can put it like, together in a blog post when we release this. But I’m really trying to stay calm and have these conversations because I realize like, “If I’m not going to do it, who’s going to do it?” It’s not Black folks’ responsibility.
L: Yeah.
M: And hopefully, you know, over time, they’re gonna be more likely to listen to me and maybe see things differently. And just, it’s okay, I can handle that. I don’t need to block and push away and just pretend like, you know, it kind of keeps me in my little bubble
L: Yeah.
M: of like, if I just ignore it, it doesn’t exist anymore.
L: I totally get that. I have also, you know, I used to have the opinion which was like, you know, “This is my social media. It’s not a democracy.” Like, I can- “I don’t have to keep people on there who I don’t want to hear from. And I can like, carefully curate that.” And I mean, I think there’s something to be said for, you know, protecting your energy.
M: Yes.
L: But when it comes to like, difficult conversations and racist friends and family, yeah, I am seeing how avoiding those conversations is, you know, it’s upholding White supremacy in a lot of ways.
M: Mmhm.
L: And sometimes the best thing, you know, I don’t have anything, as a White person, to say to Black folks about what’s going on and about systemic racism. But I have things I can say to other White people. And so yeah, I think that’s awesome.
M: Yeah. And what about you?
L: You know, I’ve been trying to do some more reading. One thing that I’m specifically doing, is I’m in a reading group with- Someone I went to college with posted about this. And so it’s a group of, I don’t know, I think it’s probably like 20 or so people. And we’re reading the book Raising White Kids. It’s a book written by, her name is Jennifer Harvey. And I’m about three chapters in so far but I highly recommend it. It’s taking the idea of like, it’s not enough to just be, you know, not racist, you have to be anti-racist,
M: Mmhm
L: which I think we hear that a lot and we hear like, you know, not to have that concept of just like, “Oh, I’m colorblind.” Or, “I don’t see color.” Like how that’s actually really damaging.
M: Yeah.
L: And so this is about like, what do you do- How do you move past the idea of like, telling kids like, “We want to treat everyone the same no matter the color of their skin.” Or, you know, talking about the multicultural rainbow of children and all these really positive things, which is awesome. But how do we get past that and actually talk about, like, the realities of racism and how White children can be aware of their privilege without getting stuck in this place of like, White guilt.
M: Mmhm.
L: And like, move past that into being like, anti-racist allies or accomplices or whatever. It’s really great so far.
M: That’s awesome. I want to read it even though I don’t have children…yet.
L: Honestly I recommend it to anyone who has like, who teaches or has kids or White children. It’s really- It’s very specifically for White parents or, you know, if your kids are White or White passing, because it’s talking about how like, it’s still important to have a like, a healthy racial identity,
M: Mmhm.
L: if you’re a White person. But in doing that it has to be this awareness that White supremacy exists and benefits you. Yeah. I don’t know. I really recommend it. It’s been  helpful for me already. And so, you know, I’m having a lot of- I kind of already have hard conversations with my kiddo. But I have tried to find the right level of age appropriate, you know, so like, we talk a lot about how- We talk a lot about racism and about the police and why we don’t call the police, things like that.
M: Mmhm.
L: But when this stuff became more like, ubiquitous, ’cause we don’t really watch TV and stuff together, you know.
M: Yeah.
L: Not, like, the news, you know, not current events. Having to not just say, “Police don’t treat Black people fairly.” But having to say like, “They murder people.”
M: Mmhm.
L: You know, I think it’s gonna be different for everybody when they tell their kids that. But I do think of it as, like, if I had Black children I would be telling them that now or earlier and so I don’t get to sit in the like, space that it’s not relevant to tell my White child, so…
M: Yeah.
L: Yeah. But I think, you know, we’re gonna go into our episode where we always start and ask what we’re doing to take care of ourselves and, you know, just a reminder that no matter who you are or where you are, it’s still important to like I said, protect your energy, to rest, to partake in any kind of self-care. Because, you know, no one- We don’t need burnout
M: Mmhm.
L: in a revolution. We need people who, you know, are taking care of themselves so they can take care of others as well.
M: Yes.
L: Okay. Well we will lead into our episode that, like we said, we recorded about a month ago. And then we will be back next week.
M: We hope you enjoy.
L: Yes we do. We love you. We care about you. Black Lives Matter. Fuck the police. Okay.
Both: (laugh)
M: Okay.
M: Okay, hi Leigh!
L: Hi Megan!
M: What have you been doing to take care of yourself this week?
L: Well…
M: (laughs) It’s kind of hard sometimes.
Both: (talking at same time)
L: We’re recording back-to-back, which is what professional podcasters do when they want to have one in the background instead of scrambling to always record. So I’m trying to think of something I could talk about this time. Or other things I’ve been doing. I did finally do a puzzle. And I know that seems, like, really obvious, but I do puzzles kind of a lot. And since the lockdown, I just, like, haven’t felt like it. And someone, a lovely person who I only know from the internet and who’s also one of our listeners, sent me a puzzle. And I was so excited to do a new one. And I did it and I’m really glad. It was nice and calming. And it was hard without being frustrating, which is what I want from a puzzle. And when I do that I listen to podcasts. I also-
M: What were you listening to?
L: I recently- I listened to this podcast, like, all of it yesterday. And it was deeply upsetting. And sometimes I don’t know why I do this. But it was called “Believed.” And it’s about, so a million trigger warnings, it’s about the Larry Nassar case, the gymnast doctor who, like, molested, like, 500 girls.
M: Okay, I’ve heard of that.
L: Yeah. So, I mean, huge huge trigger warnings for talk of sexual abuse. But I am glad that I ended up listening to it. Because what was awesome about it was just like hearing all the ways that these survivors were, like, badasses,
M: Mmhm.
L: and how he, like- The way it ended was, like, when he was, like, sentenced was part of the del was that every one of his accusers got to go in and give an impact statement, like, to his face.
M: Mmhm.
L:  And there’s something just, like, really intense and powerful about that.
M: Yeah.
L:  And so I think it was well done and it was – even though a really shitty man who abused his power is at the center of it – it was really a story about, like, women and girls. And everyone who made the podcast pretty much was a woman. And so, yeah. If you can stand the subject matter. It was an NPR podcast and it was really well done.
M: And you said it was called “Believed?”
L: “Belived.” Yeah.
M: Okay. I wrote that down.
L:  Megan, what have you been doing to take care of yourself?
M: Well, I’ve been watching The [Real] Housewives of New York City. And I am obsessed with Bethany.
L: (thinking) Bethany…
M: Do you know who Bethany is?
L: I do actually.
M: (laughs)
L: ‘Cause I had to- So I used to watch Jersey but not New York.
M: Uh huh.
L: But I’m famil- Bethany Frankel?
M: Yes.
L: Why do I know that?
M: I think everyone does. (laughs)
L: I’m mad at myself now.
M: But that’s my new- I love- We talk about this so many times. But I love trashy reality TV and Bravo, basically anything Bravo puts on I will watch.
L: Uh huh.
M: Just escaping into that world of Real Housewives is always- I don’t do it that often but when I do I get on this, like, really big kick about it and I have to watch it like at all available times that I have.
L: I love it.
M: So I told you that I’ve been really busy with work. But when I’ll be, like, taking my lunch break – ’cause I try to force myself to do breaks like that – and I’ll be like, “I can’t just eat lunch.” Because I’m so busy now that I have to fill my time with like, a hundred things at once. So my partner has to sit with me and I’m like, “Okay. We’re both gonna watch Real Housewives of New York City while we eat.” And sometimes I’ll try to like color while I do that.
L: Aw. I love it.
M: (laughs) So that I’m getting-
L: Is this, like, an old standby for you or is this a new one for you?
M: No, this is a new one for me.
L: Oh, okay. Nice.
M: I’ve watched the other seasons but I’m just catching up with the ones that are on Hulu.
L: Okay.
M: And then I’ve heard that Bethany is no longer on the newer ones that’s out that’s not on Hulu yet. But for now I’m enjoying having her on there. I think she’s hilarious.
L: Amazing.
M: And now I had my one glass of wine while we were recording our other podcast. Now I feel all loosey goosey. (laughs)
L: Aw. That’s nice.
M: (laughs) It’s kinda weird.
L: Oohh. Maybe I should have a little weed.
M: Yeah.
L: Hold on.
M: It’s Friday night!
L: Yeah. I know, right? Okay, I’m gonna take, like, three seconds to grab weed, so you should just talk. (laughs)
M: Okay. So I don’t know if anyone out there is obsessed with reality TV like me, but I watch “Real Housewives”, “90 Day Fiancé,” what else? That takes up so much of my time, when I’m watching those shows.
L: I’m back.
M: It’s just such a good escape. Oh, you’re back?
L: I am. But I don’t want to interrupt you.
M: Oh no. I was just going off about how much I love “90 Day Fiancé.”
L: Amazing.
M: (laughs)
L:  I’m gonna put some drops of weed juice into my water.
M: Nice.
L: Alright. So what we’re gonna do for this episode is- I mentioned this before, that I got this game, this, like, card game, called We’re Not Really Strangers. And it’s like a get-to-know-you/asking deeper questions kind of game, which is like right up our alley. I have played it once on a FaceTime date and it was lovely. And also a little plug for our Patreon. If you are not yet one of our Patrons, you can join for as low as one dollar a month. We know that you have probably lots of places that your money is going right now. But if you want some new content, we do- We have all kinds of things on there. But one of the things we do on there are these mini episodes that are called Queer Cuts.
M: I was gonna say, you have to say the name. (laughs)
L: I have to say QueerCuts. And so one thing we’ve been doing on those is the New York Times, like, 36 questions to fall in love. And we’re gonna be doing it forever because we just do a few here and there.
M: (laughs) Yeah.
L: So this is not that but it is very similar, similar feel of like, kind of, deeper questions.
M: Yeah. We love this shit.
L: We do love this shit. So basically the way the game works is there are three sets of questions, and we take turns asking each other questions. And there are- And you can do kind of as many as you want. So you should do maybe like at least ten from each section.
M: Mmhm.
L: Because we are- It’s gonna be a little challenging because we’re not in the same place. But that’s just part of it. When I did it on a date, I held the question up for the person I was with
M: Mmhm.
L: and then they read it. But I don’t think we need to do that.
M: Oh yeah. ‘Cause how can I ask you-
L: I think I’ll just have to read them for you.
M: Okay.
L: If you think. Does that make the most sense? Or would you rather try to see them?
M: I don’t really know how the game goes. So do you think it will be okay if you read them for me?
L: I think it will.
M: Okay. Then let’s just do that.
L: Yeah. Let’s do that. I’m trying to see. Okay. So the first one is called- Level One is Perception. And it says “Reminder. Let go of your attachment to the outcome.”
M: Okay. I’ll try.
L: So I’m going to ask you a question, and we’ll go back and forth. So this is more about- Perception questions are more about how you, how others see you.
M: Okay.
L: And how you see each other. We’re supposed to start this by staring deeply into each other’s eyes.
M: We’ll just have to imagine.
L: Just do that in your head. Yeah. Okay, so I will ask you a question first. The first one I will ask you is, “Do you think I was popular in school? Explain.”
M: I think that you were probably, like, what’s the word? Like a little activist and that yes, everyone knew you. I know you worked for, like, the school newspaper, right, so I have a feeling that you were popular. But that seems to me like what you would be like, the little activist.
L: That’s fair. I think that’s pretty true. I’m not sure. I can’t remember if we’re supposed to, like, answer them or not, like, tell the person if they’re telling the tr- if they’re correct or not. I think a little mini one. I think that that’s pretty accurate. I was, like, I was like not super popular, but I was also like not not popular, like I was well-known.
Both: (laugh)
L: So, yeah. I wasn’t conventionally popular (laughs) but people knew who I was.
M: That’s the word I was looking for.
L: Yeah.
M: Like, not conventionally popular, but, like, well-known, in your school.
L: Yeah. Yep. You’re right.
M: Yay! I’m right! (laughs)
L: Okay. So the one you’re gonna ask me is, “Do I look kind? Explain.”
M: Do I look kind? Explain.
L: Yes. And, like, obviously I know you. And this game can be for people who know each other well or who don’t know each other at all. But, like, regardless, if I was just looking, like, looking at your face or looking at your social media, you have a very, like, warm and open demeanor. So I think you give off a lot of warmth and I would equate warmth with kindness.
M: Aw. That’s so sweet!
L: Mmhm. Okay. “Do you think I fall in love easily? Why or why not?”
M: I’m gonna have to say no because I’ve seen you dating people and stuff and I just, I think that you probably fall into, like, attraction with, not everyone, but like, once you do that’s kind of easy. But I would assume that you don’t fall into love that easily, that it would take more time and trust and communication and all that good stuff.
L: Yeah. That’s super accurate. (laughs)
M: (laughs)
L: I have fallen in love easily before but, like, as a whole and, like, in general, no, I think that’s super accurate.
M: Yay!
L: Yay! Look how well we know each other!
M: (laughs)
L: Okay. The one you’re gonna ask me is, “As a child, what do you think I wanted to be?”
M: Oh. Okay. As a child, what do you think I wanted to be?
L: I feel like, as a child, you wanted to be, like, a nurse or a teacher.
M: (laughs)
L: Is that true?
M: Yes. I wanted to be a teacher.
L: Yeah?
M: I used to decorate my room like a classroom.
L: Awwww.
M: (laughs) Isn’t that dorky?
L: No. It’s really cute.
M: And then I did become a teacher. So I got to do it.
L: That’s right. You were a teacher. For awhile, right?
M: Yeah. Yep. So I got to finally have a classroom and decorate it, which was always my favorite part of everything with teaching, was doing the classroom.
L: Oh yeah. I bet. That’s the only part of teaching that seems fun to me.
M: Yeah. (laughs)
L: No. I love that.
M: That was the best part, when the kids weren’t there and you get your week to, like, classroom prep. That was the best part every year.
L: That’s so cute. Okay. “Do you think I’m usually early, on time, or late to events? Explain.”
M: It feels like you would be early but I’m gonna say late because I think you’ve said you’re always late for everything. But it seems like you would be an early person so I’m kind of confusing myself here.
L: No!
M: But I’m pretty sure you’ve said that you are late to things. So now I don’t know.
L: No. That’s a good, that was a really good answer because I do seem like I would be early to things and I am not.
Both: (laugh)
L: And I think a lot of that comes from the fact that I used to be.
M: Mmhm.
L: And I was like really, really attached to being places on time, like, sort of out of anxiety.
M: Yeah.
L: And then I had a baby and I was like, “Fuck it.” And I’ve now gone too far the other way.
M: And now you’re late?
L: Now I’m, like, “Oh, I don’t- What is time? I’m just gonna chill.” I’m usually, like, if I’m having something at my house, I’m never fully dressed by the time that the first person gets there.
M: (laughs)
L: And so that’s… You know that! You’ve been- I mean, you’ve been to my house when we threw a party.
M: Yeah. You’re right. Once you said that I’m like I remember.
L: I’m always, like, in the bath so, like, yeah.
M: So we can say you’re on Mexican time ’cause that’s what we say.
L: Totally. But I can’t say it
M: Yeah.
L: because that would sound racist.
M: (laughs) Yeah.
L: But you said it.
M: But my family will tell me to be somewhere like at 3 but in their minds really it starts at 5:30. But if they say 3 I’ll be there by 5:30.
L: Yes. And see, I’m not that kind of late. I am 15 minutes late to everything, you know.
M: Yeah.
L: You know, like 10 to 15 minutes late to everything. But yeah.
M: Yeah. See, I’ll be, like, a whole two hours. (laughs)
L: Yeah. You were eight hours late for my birthday last year.
M: Oh my god. That’s right. (laughs)
L: Like it might not have been eight, but like, it was
M: (laughs) It was a long time.
L: It was beyond, like, an insane amount of time.
M: (laughs) Yeah. You remember that. That’s funny.
L: This format, I’m just skipping them. Okay. And this is what you’ll be asking, which is, “What subject do you think I thrived in at school? Did I fail any?”
M: Okay. What subject did I thrive in at school and did I fail any?
L: Hm. Yeah. I don’t think you failed any. I don’t see you as failing any classes. I’m guessing you were more of, like, like an English or art kind of student versus like science and math student.
M: That’s true.
L: Yeah?
M: Yeah. I did really well in English and I actually did fail algebra.
L: Did you?
M: Yeah. So I was never any good with math.
L: Math is hard.
M: It’s so hard.
L: I also failed algebra.
M: You did?
L: But in college, not in high school. In high school I did fine but I failed college algebra.
M: Yeah.
L: Okay.
M: This is a fun game. I like it. It’s cute.
L: Isn’t it? We’ll do a few more of this category and then go to the next section. “What compliment do you think I hear the most?”
M: Mmmm, that you have a nice butt.
L: That is correct.
M: (laughs)
L: I mean, as far as a physical compliment, yes.
M: Yeah.
L: That is the most common physical comment that I get, and I’m here for it.
M: Exactly. I love that compliment.
L: Right? Okay. Then you get to ask, “Do you think I’ve ever checked an exes’ phone for evidence?”
M: Oh boy. Do you think I’ve ever checked an exes’ phone for evidence?
L: Yes. (laughs)
M: (laughs) It’s true.
L: And I say that with love.
M: It’s true.
L: Yeah. I just think you do because I, even though I know that you are a very, like, loving and kind partner to your partners, I also know that you have struggled with some jealousy.
M: Yeah. (laughs) That’s very true.
L: And I can see that happening.
M: I have not done it to my current partner. We’ve been very good.
L: I also believe that.
M: We don’t do that.
L: I also wouldn’t have guessed that, like, you’d done it recently.
M: Yeah. It was before. I had a lot of lessons with polyamory
L: Mmhm.
M: and stuff but I’ve definitely done that. Not proud of it but it happened.
L: That’s okay. Let’s do one more each. ” What’s the first thing you noticed about me?”
M: Hmmm. I think the first thing I noticed about you, before I met you, like, from social media, was your tattoos.
L: Is it?
M: And I thought that you looked cool and like someone that I would get along with.
L: Aww. That’s nice.
M: Yeah.
L: Thanks.
M: Which reminds me of the book we were reading when, Sam Irby, she talks about, something about… What is it? Your friends, like, what kind of people would you be friends with
L: Yeah, when she-
M: list, and she was like visibly queer or no, with lots of tattoos. (laughs)
L: Yeah. She was like, fat, mean, lots of tattoos, (laughs) which I was just like yes!
M: Oh it was you that said visibly queer.
L: I said visibly queer.
M: Yeah, that’s it. Okay.
L: Hers was similar.
M: Yeah.
L: Yeah. Yes. And then, the question you’re gonna ask is, “Do I seem like a coffee or tea person? Sweetened or unsweetened?”
M: Do I seem like a coffee or tea person? Sweetened or unsweetened?
L: You’re more of a coffee person and you do sweetened, right? You do like sweet drinks.
M: Yeah.
L: Yeah.
M: I do.
L: You do. You’re like a froofy drink person.
M: Yes. (laughs)
L: (laughs)
M: Coffee all the way. I like tea but not as much as coffee.
L: Yeah. Like, I don’t see you as not drinking tea but you’re, like, a regular coffee drinker. And you, like, a several words to your Starbucks order coffee drinker, right?
M: (laughs) Yeah.
L: (laughs) Awesome.
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B: It’s exactly what it sounds like, a show by and for sex nerds.
K: It’s dorky discourse on sex, dating, and mastubating.
B: We get into the really vital questions like, “How do you ask out that cute stranger from Twitter?”
K: “What’s the best vibrator to use when you’re stoned off your ass?”
B: And, “What does it mean to have a good blow job dick?” I mean, to be honest, we just- We talk a lot about blow jobs.
K: Blow jobs are great. For all this and more, search The Dildorks on iTunes or wherever you get your podcasts.
B: New episodes every Wednesday, full of sex nerdy goodness.
K: Until next time folks, get out there and live your sexy, dorky life.
Both: Byyyyyee.
Both: (laugh)
(commercial ends)
L: So yeah. So that was level one and then…
M: I’m very impressed with this game. It’s really cool.
L: Isn’t it? It’s fun. Yeah, so level two is Connection. “What is your first love’s name and the reason you fell in love with them?”
M: Oh boy.
L: And you don’t, like, have to, ’cause we’re on a podcast,
M: Yeah.
L: You don’t have to say their name (laughs) if you don’t want to.
M: I will say Nicole
L: Okay.
M: and because they were there for times of my life that were just, like, unexplainably hard and even there for me after the relationship ended,
L: Mmhm. How old were you?
M: Was I 19? 19 and 20.
L: Yeah.
M: It makes me want to sing Tegan and Sara.
L: Aww.
M: (sings) I was nineteeeeen. (laughs)
L: Aww.
M: Yeah.
L: Sweet. Okay, the one you’re gonna ask me is – Oof, this is tough – “What part of your life works and what part of your life hurts?”
M: Oooh. So do you want me to say it again?
L: Sure.
M: What part of your life works and what part of your life hurts? That’s a tough one.
L: I know, right? Let’s see. As far as the part of my life that works, I would say, like, the work I do works, even though I don’t make a ton of money, like, I’m not using that as my- I’m saying, like, what works emotionally. So I would say, like,
M: Mmhm.
L: I would say my coaching work and this podcast, my relationship with my kiddo, even though it’s a little strange right now (laughs) during lockdown. It still goes in the works category. My friendships and my community are hugely in the, like, what parts works. What part hurts? I mean, it’s so amplified right now because of the lockdown. I mean, I think being single hurts right now.
M: Mmhm.
L: But I don’t necessarily equate being single with being lonely. And that’s been, like, a lot of work to get to a place where, like, I don’t feel that way and I feel really grateful about that.
M: Mmhm.
L: But being, like, physically alone during all of this is probably, like, what hurts the most.
M: Awww. I’m sorry.
L: Oh, it’s okay. Yeah.
M: What a question that was.
L: I know. It’s intense. Oh, here you go. Here’s yours. “What lesson took you the longest to unlearn?”
M: That jealousy does not equal love.
L: Ooh, that’s really good.
M: And not just jealousy but a lot of negative things, like, I think we just did our episode about gender and that’s one of the things that make me angry about growing up, as a girl,
L: Mmhm.
M: is the whole, like, boys are mean to you and it means they like and stuff, which like carried into other areas of, you know, people are jealous because they love and people- And then kind of expecting that negative stuff to happen.
L: Yeah. That’s a really good one. Okay. This is what you get to ask me. “Are you lying to yourself about anything?'” Oof.
M: Ooooh. Are you lying to yourself about anything?
L: Hmm. I don’t think so. I think I’m pretty honest with myself. Like, I’m not always, like, thrilled with how my emotions manifest but I think I’m pretty, like, self-aware.
M: Mmhm.
L: So I ‘m trying to think. I mean, I feel good that, like, there wasn’t an immediate answer to that. No, I don’t think so.
M: Well that’s good.
L: Yeah. That’s kind of boring but I think that’s the truth. “What are you more afraid of, failure or success? And why?”
M: So that’s what I answer?
L: Yeah.
M: Ooh. I think I’m more afraid of success.
L: Why?
M: Mmm because there’s more, it’s more risky. It’s like more unknown. Not that I’m always failing at everything I do, but it feels, like, comfortable and I know how to fail
L: Mmhm. Yeah.
M: and to restart and stuff. But it’s like I don’t always know how to succeed.
L: Yeah.
M: So there’s the unknown element there.
L: Okay. The one you’re gonna ask me is, “What’s your father’s name? And tell me one thing about him.”
M: Oh, I like this one. What’s your father’s name? And tell me one thing about him.
L: I’m not gonna say his name on the podcast just because I don’t talk about my family with names.
M: Mmhm.
L: But I will say one thing about him. My dad is retired and every week he gets up at like 3:30 in the morning and drives to this community, like, outside of where he lives with my mom and gives food out to homeless folks.
M: Oh, that’s so nice.
L: I know. And since the pandemic they’ve just found a way to streamline, like, changing it where they’re not serving food in the same way, like, in a line, but they’re still giving out as much, if not more, food. They’re just, you know, they added masks and gloves and more of, like, a delivery line and even putting things like straight into people’s cars.
M: Mmhm.
L: But they’re still serving, like, a whole bunch of families. Yeah. And it’s something that I just that he started doing in his retirement, probably in the last year or two. And I don’t know. I find it really delightful that that’s something he’s chosen to do with his time.
M: That is amazing!
L: Yeah. Okay. “How would you describe the feeling of being in love in one word?”
M: Oooh. I was gonna say smitten. That’s not good.
L: Why?
M: But that’s my response.
L: Why is it not good?
M: Is that not a good- I don’t know.
L: No, it’s cute!
M: Is that real?
L: Ooh.
M: Then I’m analyzing it too much. So smitten is my word.
L: But I will say, regardless, that smitten is one of my favorite words ’cause it’s just a really cute word.
M: It’s such a good one.
L: It’s so cute. It rhymes with kitten.
Both: (laugh)
L: Awesome. I like that. Okay. Then you’re gonna ask me, “When was the last time you surprised yourself?”
M: When was the last time you surprised yourself?
L: This is a very silly answer but it’s the first thing that came to mind. So I used to be really afraid of spiders and then I hit a point where I was kind of, like, “Okay, well I’m a single parent and I live in LA, and there’s spiders everywhere, so I’m just gonna have to be able to kill a spider.” But then I moved past that and I feel bad killing spiders. So the other day I just straight up put a spider on a piece of paper and carried it outside.
M: Oh my god. That’s the best answer.
L: Yeah. I used to- And just, like, and it wasn’t a big deal. And, like, a few years ago that would have made my skin crawl, so yeah.
M: Mmhm. Well good for you.
L: I got over my arachnophobia. Now spiders are friends. (laughs)
M: They are. Sometimes I still kill them and I’m the designated spider killer of my relationship.
L: Yeah.
M: But sometimes I take them out or any bug, I try to take ’em out if possible.
L: Yeah. I never thought I would be the bug person but I’m here to be the bug person in the relationship.
Both: (laugh)
L: “What’s been your happiest memory this past year?”
M: Cuddling my dog.
L: Awww.
M: Yeah, my partner was like, “She’s your little best friend.” And I was like, “That’s so true. She’s my little bestie.”
L: That’s really nice. I love that you have her. That’s so sweet.
M: Oh my gosh. I love her so much.
L: Okay. You’re gonna ask me, “What question are you trying to answer most in your life right now?”
M: What question are you trying to answer most in your life right now?
L: I guess, like, what I want my relationships to look like
M: Yeah.
L: going forward. Yeah. Or, like, questions around that, you know, like, who’s the right person for me or what do I have to offer or what things do I want to avoid, you know?
M: Mmhm.
L: Doing a lot of that work in my head right now.
M: Well this is the perfect time to do it, right?
L: I know, right? It sure is. Let’s see. “If you could have it your way, who would you be with, where you be, and what would you be doing?”
M: I would be with my partner in Maryland out to dinner with her family.
L: Aww. That’s really sweet.
M: ‘Cause that’s what we did when we went to Maryland to see her family. We went two times and it was so much fun. I love being there and I really miss being out to dinner and stuff. I just love restaurants and the energy and the people all around and hearing the laughing and stuff. I miss that,
L: Yeah.
M: which I think I took for granted my whole life because I’m so used to being able to do it and now we can’t.
L: Yeah.
M: And she really has the sweetest family.
L: Aww. That’s really sweet. I love that. Should we keep going on this section or should we move to the last one?
M: I think we can move to the last one.
L: Okay. Let’s do it.
M: I don’t know how long we’ve been recording but I’m looking at the time. I don’t know. It doesn’t, like, say how long we’ve been on.
L: I think we’ve probably been recording for, like, 35 minutes or so.
M: Oh, okay. So maybe like ten more minutes.
L: Yeah. Okay. So level three is Reflection. Okay. Am I asking you or are you asking me? I just got lost.
M: I think I’m asking you.
L: Okay. Then it’s, “What answer of mine made you light up?”
M: What answer of mine made me- made you light up?
Both: (laugh)
L: Honestly the last two because I’m really happy for you that you’re with- I know you’re not in Maryland but I’m really happy for you that you’re with your dog and your partner right now.
M: Yeah.
L: I know it’s been [quite a] a…year. Or two.
M: It really has.
L: It’s been some years. And so I’m just, and we’re in the middle of such a weird fucking place, but I’m really happy that you’re happy and that you’re surrounded by people and animals who love you.
M: Aww. Thank you.
L: Of course. “When this game is over what will you remember about me?”
M: That’s so sad. (laughs)
L: I know, like you’ll never see me again.
M: I know. (laughs) This is the end. What will I remember about you when this game is over? I will remember that you conquered your fear of spiders.
L: I love that. (laughs)
M: Yeah. Something I probably wouldn’t have learned otherwise.
L: There you go. I know. Oh then you’re asking me, “What question were you most afraid to answer?”
M: What question were you most afraid to answer?
L: I don’t think I was afraid to answer any of ’em but I did have a moment with that like, “Are you lying to yourself?” kind of thing, where I was like, “I don’t know. Am I lying to myself?” (laughs)
M: Yeah. That’s a hard one.
L: “Do I not know that I’m lying to myself?” So that’s…
M: Yeah, you’ll be thinking about that one later.
L: I know, right? Yeah. Exactly. “What parts of yourself do you see in me?”
M: Hmm. I think we’re both highly sensitive and very caring and nurturing people.
L: Yeah.
M: Don’t we have the same, what is it called, enneagram?

L: Yeah. You’re a 2, right?
M: Yes.
L: Yes. Definitely.
M: So everytime you post those things I always relate,
L: Mmhm.
M: 0n your Instagram and stuff like that, so I definitely feel like we have that same kind of, like, nurturing, caregiving warmth about us,
L: Yeah.
M: and then also highly sensitive and, like, the kind of people who would cry about
L: Everything.
M: something. Yeah. Something someone said that was, like, not even a big deal but we’re gonna, like, go home and think about it. (laughs)
L: Mmhm. (laughs) Yes. Okay, this is a similar one. So you’re gonna ask me, “How do our personalities complement each other?”
M: How do our personalities complement each other?
L: I mean, so what you just said is, like, some of the ways that we’re similar. I think we have really good, like, complementary personalities. I think that’s why, I was gonna say why this podcast is successful, but who knows what successful means. I think that’s part of why people want to listen to us, because we are both, like, warm and empathetic and down to earth and, you know, kind of caretakers. But then there’s also ways where we’re, like, very different,
M: Mmhm.
L: although I don’t really know, like, the best way- Like, I don’t know exactly how to articulate the ways in which we’re different.
M: Mmhm.
L: I run my mouth a lot more than you do
M: (laughs)
L: is one thing. (laughs) But yeah, I don’t know. I think we have a way we’re very similar and ways we’re very different and that makes us, I don’t know. I mean, that’s why we’re friends
M: A dynamic duo.
L: and also why… That makes us a dynamic duo.
Both: (laugh)
L: Yes. Exactly. I feel like we should just end there, because that’s a really good place to end.
M: Mmhm. That is a good place to end.
L: Yeah. So that was fun. If anyone liked this, I recommend checking this out.
M: I’m totally gonna see if I can find it now.
L: There’s lot of questions too, which is really nice. Like, there’s probably another, like, 40 questions in each section that I haven’t read.
M: Wow.
L: So, yeah.
M: What a fun date night game.
L: Right? It really was. And it’s, yeah I think things like this are really nice for the particular time that we’re in.
M: Yeah.
L: And I think it’d be fun both for, like, a distance date and also, like, a fun thing to do, you know, even with a partner you’re home with because some of the questions you can skip if, you, like, know the person really well and just go to something else.
M: Mmhm.
L: But yeah.
M: I’m totally gonna order this, like right when we’re done.
L: Cool. Maybe they’ll sponsor us.
Both: (laugh)
M: We’re Not Really Strangers, we’re always open to sponsorship.
L: We are. Do a little giveaway, you know. Well thank you for listening.
M: Yeah. Thanks for listening. Hope everyone’s taking care of themselves and staying safe and healthy and all that good stuff.
L: Yes. We love you.
M: And we’ll see you next time.
L: Bye.
M: Bye.
L: (cooing) Mmmm.
Both: (laughs)
L: Just make weird sounds.
L: Thanks for listening to Queers Next Door. We hope you enjoyed it. Be sure to follow, subscribe, and leave a review wherever you listen to your podcasts.
M: If you like what we’re doing, join the Queers Next Door fan club at patreon.com/queersnextdoor to receive all of our exclusive content, and we’ll mail you a fun little surprise. You can find the link on our blog queersnextdoor.com. Cheers, queers!

About Queers Next Door

we take the topics you care about - sex, feminism, kink, social justice, and entertainment - and look at them through a queer AF lens. Cheers, queers! <3

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