Episode 18 Transcript- Hanging In

Megan: Welcome to Queers Next Door
Leigh: with your hosts Leigh and Megan.

M: We take the topics you care about:
L: sex, relationships, feminism, kink, social justice, and entertainment,
M: and look at them through a queer as fuck lens.
L: Find us on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook at Queers Next Door
M: and make sure to follow the blog at queersnextdoor.com.

L: Cheers, queers!

L: Hi!
M: We did it! We set up a new way to record!
L: Wed did it!
M: (laughs)
L: So, let’s see what happens and we will start for now. Hi Megan!
M: Hi. (coughs) Sorry. I was vaping.
L: (laughs)
M: Hi Leigh. Happy Friday! (laughs)
L: Happy Friday! So we are coming to you from, you know, what, week three of the end of the world.
M: Are we all losing our minds a little bit? Or is it just me?
L: Mine is gone.
M: (laughs)
L: I am batty. So I think the question that we always ask is all the more important. But Megan what are you doing to take care of yourself this week?
M: Oh, I have a good one this week!
L: Cool.
M: I went to my psychiatrist.
L: Wonderful.
M: Yes. So I had to get a new one. I had one when I lived in another county, all the way in August. And then I moved to LA County.
L: Mmhm.
M: And I had to switch. You know, I had to call and like get a whole new card and switch everything, which gives me a lot of anxiety. So I finally found a psychiatrist near me
L: Wonderful.
M: and went and got slightly new meds, like two of the same and one new one. So I’m really hoping that it’s all gonna work. And I just feel good that I did it finally, that I made the appointment and I went. And it was a man. And I never feel comfortable with men as doctors, like in any way. But it was the only-
L: Yeah, I never feel comfortable with men, period.
M: (laughs) Yeah. It was the only person who could see me in this time frame, and I really needed the meds. So I went. And he pulled up in his little tiny smart car. ‘Cause I was waiting ’cause they told me the doctor wasn’t there. And I was like, “This isn’t the doctor.” ‘Cause this guy was like a hippie with a headband and he was wearing sunglasses. It was the doctor! When I went to see him he wore his sunglasses in the room.
L: Amazing.
M: He had like a fake fireplace going. It was so awesome. And I really did like him. So it all worked and I’m glad I did that. And now my next thing I have to do is make a therapy appointment, which gives me slightly more anxiety ’cause I actually have to, you know, sit and talk and get to know a new person and tell them everything.
L: Of course.
M: And I have a hard time being honest with like, therapist and psychiatrists. But my partner went with me and she was like my moral support. Outside in the car she was telling me, “Okay. Remember to tell him everything. Don’t lie.” (laughs)
L: Yeah, totally.
M: So I did good. I told him everything. I talked about my anxiety and how sometimes I feel like the meds don’t even touch it.
L: Mmhm.
M: So I got new anti-anxiety medication, and yeah.
L: I’m so proud of you!
M: Thank you. So what have you been doing to take care of yourself?
L: Oh lord. Honestly, like, I think, I know I have answers to this, but I, you know, in the- (sighs) To be totally honest, I don’t feel like I’m taking as good care of myself as I wish I was.
M: Yeah.
L: That has been the hardest part for me. I’m doing the things I need to be doing. I’m getting outside every day, which absolutely helps. I am still seeing my therapist. I am trying to do stretches.
(pinging noise)
L: What was that?
M: I’m not sure. Something on my computer.
L: Okay. Okay, cool.
M: Sorry.
L: No, no. It’s fine.
M: I don’t know what happened.
L: I was like, “Are we in a Zoom and someone just joined?”
M: (laughs)
L: I think a lot of, I’ve been doing the same things that I normally do. But this has been incredibly challenging for me
M: Mmhm.
L: in a way that is sort of surprising me.
M: Yeah.
L: Because, you know, not to belabor the point, but I was having a really hard time for a really long time. And I’ve been doing obviously like, way better post-surgery. I’ve worked through a lot of breakup guilt, not guilt, grief. (laughs) The other G word.
M: Mmhm.
L: Jesus Christ. And I just feel like, so deeply triggered
M: Yeah.
L: by everything. So all like, so my anxiety is triggered. My irritability and lack of patience around parenting is like, on overdrive. My breakup stuff and like abandonment stuff and loneliness are super triggered. And I’m sure a lot of people are feeling that. So I just want to acknowledge that like, I am also feeling that. And I’m getting through. But like, it’s been fucking hard, emotionally and it’s been really hard physically because my body is like, holding all this stress like, in my neck and my shoulders and my wrists to the point that I’m in like- It’s not like sort of hurting. I’m in like, pain. And I would normally go to acupuncture but I can’t. Or I’d get a massage but I can’t. And so, yeah, I don’t know. I’m alternating between feeling like, “Oh my god. I feel like a total mess.” And then feeling like, kind of a brat because I don’t know, it’s like, I’m healthy and I’m safe and I’m doing okay. So, I don’t know. For a person who talks about how they feel all the time I’ve been having a really hard time just sort of understanding how I feel and talking about it.
M: Yeah. And I don’t know if you feel similar but I kind of feel like, closed in.
L: Mmhm.
M: So, for instance, I’m not in pain but I imagine if I was. ‘Cause some of the other things I’m feeling, it makes it worse because you know you can’t do the things you normally do to like, help yourself.
L: Yes. And I think that, again this is also like, I’m sure everyone’s going through this. But the fact that we don’t know when it will be over, a lot of my coping strategies have to do with looking forward to things in the future.
M: Mmhm.
L: And like, you know, I struggle with uncertainty like everyone does. But it’s not just like, one uncertainty, you know, like
M: Yeah.
L: after the breakup, it was like, okay, relationship uncertainty. That’s rough and that’s a legit thing. But now it’s like financial insecurity, (sighs) school. You know, my kiddo’s out of school, probably ’til August.
M: Yeah.
L: And like, yeah. It just feels like a lot. And I don’t know, maybe it would be helpful to talk about some things that like, are bringing us joy during this like, just worldwide shitshow.
M: Yes. But before we do that I wanted to say one more thing that I know there are- You, and other listeners, who are in recovery, you know
L: Mmhm.
M: my partner, she was talking about how triggering this time can be. And people who are going to meeting all the time and now… I mean, they’re still on Zoom and stuff but it’s not the same. And I could only imagine. Like with me, for my anxiety, having those routines helps so much.
L: Yes.
M: So just like hugs and love to everyone with that issue because I can’t even imagine like, my partner shares with me. But she’s also making her therapist appointment soon because she’s like, “This is such a rough time.” You know?
L: Yeah, and you know what? Yes, I want to send love to her. This is a really hard time to be in recovery. I’m ten years into recovery, and this is triggering that because
M: Yeah.
L: it’s just so much alone time. I have a close family member who’s very recently sober who another family member is traveling to see, because it is
M: Yeah.
L: not really safe for them to be alone this quickly out of like, out of rehab.
M: Yeah.
L: Like, it’s a tough time. And so, you know, I feel for everybody who struggles with substance abuse or for people who maybe feel their substance abuse or substance use was under control and now it’s not.
M: Mmhm.
L: That’s okay. That’s normal. For folks who felt their eating disorders were under control and now they’re not, also super normal. It is like, the only shopping we can do is around food.
M: Mmhm.
L: We have to prepare pretty much all of our own food. I know that, as a person who doesn’t have disordered eating really in my history, I’m struggling
M: Mmhm.
L: Just to, you know, remember to eat, to eat at the right times, to eat like, nourishing food.
M: Yeah.
L: So I can imagine what it’s like for folks in ED recovery. So love to that. Love to those folks as well.
M: What a time to be alive.
L: Ugh. Right?
M: (laughs) So I know one thing that kind of brought both of us joy but it also made us like, “What the fuck?” And that is Tiger King.
L: Oh my god.
Both: (laugh)
L: It’s like, all we have right now, as humans. And I, so I just finished because I was almost caught up but I hadn’t
M: Oh, you did?
L: watched the last episode. So I just finished the last episode two days ago.
M: Yeah.
L: So what did you think?
M: My partner wanted to watch it and she put it on and I told her, “I’m not gonna watch it. I’m just gonna read.” Because it said something about animal cruelty or something.
L: Yeah.
M: And I didn’t know what it was about. So I thought, “I’m not gonna like this. I’m not gonna watch.” But, as I was reading, I was like hearing the guy talk and watching Joe, what’s his name? Joe Exotic,
L: I mean, it’s a lot in a name.
M: his music videos. And I was like, “What in the world?” And then I heard him talking about being a “gun-totin’ redneck gay man” or whatever.
L: Mmhm.
M: However he said it. And I was like, “I have to watch this.”
L: Yeah.
M: So I did start watching it. And I just, I don’t know. I (laughs) thought it was very cool how they were polygamists, like a few different people in the show.
L: Yes.
M: But, of course, there was a lot of other things that I was like, “Ahhh, this isn’t the greatest.” So, I don’t know.
L: I know.
M: It’s like, that’s all everyone’s talking about, is the Covid stuff or Tiger King. There’s nothing else.
L: There’s nothing else. I know. I’m glad I watched it just so I can be part of the conversation because I’m lonely. (laughs) I mean, I think it goes without saying, but like, there’s a lot of things that are really awful about it. I don’t think it’s made that well, in a way I don’t think it focuses on the animal abuse.
M: Mmhm.
L: And I don’t think it really like, looks at- On one hand, I don’t think it acknowledges how shitty Joe is. And on the other hand, I think, I don’t know. I don’t know. ‘Cause he’s fascinating. ‘Cause like, what’s not fascinating about that? But also he lured a bunch of people in with like, fucking meth.
M: Yeah.
L: I don’t think we talk about meth enough. (laughs) I don’t know.
M: Did they even talk about it? I don’t remember.
L: Very, very little. They talked a little bit about like, Joe’s like, you know, “I had a cocaine problem in the past.” And, you know, “I do some meth.” But like, his husband’s were kind of all meth addicts.
M: Yeah.
L: But, if can acknowledge that there are a lot of things that are terrible about it, also including that that character Saff is a trans man and was, the one who lost his arm.
M: Uh huh.
L: And he was misgendered through the entire fucking thing.
M: Oh really? I didn’t know that.
L: Yeah. I’ve read it. So I guess, what I’m hoping for his sake, is that the fact that, is that maybe he wasn’t out as trans when they recorded. I don’t think that’s true. But I would hope that’s true, for his sake.
M: Yeah.
L: Otherwise that’s like just real shitty.
M: It is.
L: I know. So, and I’ve also like, one of my favorite memes is like, the one around us all really wanting queer poly representation.
M: Yeah.
L: And then being like, “Oh, wait. Not like this.” (laughs)
M: Yeah.
L: But I can’t enough of memes about Carole killing her husband. (laughs) It’s the funniest thing in the world to me right now.
M: I’ve read something about there’s a show that’s gonna come out or something where the girl from Saturday Night Live that always plays like,
L: Yesss!
M: she played Hillary and then she did-
L: Kate McKinnon!
M: Yes! Kate McKinnon was gonna play Carole Baskin.
L: I saw that one.
M: Yeah. I don’t know if that was gonna be, is it gonna be on Saturday Night Live or if it’s gonna be it’s own thing. But either way, I’m looking forward to that.
L: I am super super down for that. I also like, one thing that was like really really funny to me was (laughs), you watched the whole thing, right?
M: Yes.
L: Okay, so you know when his ex-husband John is getting his tattoo covered up?
M: Uh huh.
L: I’m obsessed with the fact that’s the worst cover up I’ve ever seen.
M: I don’t remember what it was it but I did see that.
L: They didn’t cover all of it! The words are still there! It’s like, if you had like,
M: (laughs)
L: your name written somewhere and then a kid like colored.
M: (laughs)
L: Like, please everyone, even if you didn’t watch the show, please look up John’s coverup.
M: Oh my gosh.
L: So John has a tattoo on his like, lower stomach, that says, “Property of Joe Exotic”
M: Uh huh.
L: that is hilarious to me.
M: (laughs)
L: And, you know, no shame, we’ve all got our ex’s name tattooed on us at some point. (laughs) But like, (laughs) he didn’t cover it all the way. It’s so ridiculous. So that made me- It’s not even- I’m not even saying that the tattoo is bad. Like, it’s not great. But like, the one rule of tattoo coverups is that you cover the whole fucking tattoo.
M: Yeah. I have to go back and watch that. I don’t remember that.
L: I mean, you could probably just look it up. I don’t think there’s much to like… I will say a thing that’s a little more wholesome that has been bringing me joy.
M: What?
L: Oh wait. I have- Hold on. I have a call coming in. Let me decline. Sorry. A thing that has been (laughs) bringing me joy is the fact that at zoos like, they’re bringing the animals to meet each other.
M: Uh huh.
L: And so like, animals that have never seen each other are visiting each other at the zoo.
M: Oh my gosh!
L: And like, that’s so cute.
M: I saw a video of the penguins that were able to walk around.
L: Yessss. Yessss.
M: And that melted my heart. I wanted to cry.
L: Yeaaaah.
M: It was so sweet.
L: So cute. I saw one of a tegu, which is like a big lizard. And it was visiting like, they were holding it up to the tank of like, a sea lion.
M: Yeah.
L: And the sea lion is like, losing its fucking mind.
M: Oh my gosh. How cute.
L: It’s really cute.
M: Oh, you know what else they have too is like, live animal cams.
L: Yes!
M: There’s so many of them. I found a thread on Twitter. We should post that in the blog
L: Yes.
M: description. Because I love that. It’s like, we have nothing to do anyways. So I love watching the animal cams.
L: Definitely Monterrey Bay Aquarium is doing a live cam just of the aquarium, which is nice and relaxing to watch. I enjoyed that. Another thing is, and shout out to a friend of the pod Rachel who has been on one of our Queer Cuts. She posted something the other day, which is a cat who drug a duck into its house. And I watched it with my kid yesterday and I was like crying. So basically, the people are British too and watching British people get upset but not that upset in a polite way was also really funny to me.
M: Uh huh. (laughs)
L: So it’s like a couple and they’re like looking at their stupid cat and they’re like, “Oh my god. He brought in a duck.” And they’re like, “It’s dead. Oh my god. The duck’s dead.” You know, like, “Shit. We gotta stay really quiet. We gotta like, put a towel.” And they go for it. And the duck is fucking alive. Like, somehow this cat brought in a duck that was like, as big as it is through the cat door.
M: On my god.
L: And then the duck was just like, in their living room. So please look that up if you would like some joy
M: Okay. Let me write this down.
L: to your day.
M: Cat duck video. I wrote it on my list. (laughs)
L: Cat duck video. Yeah. It’s (laughs) you know. So that. Tiger King memes, animal videos, it’s the little things.
M: Well I got a Nintendo Switch.
L: Oh my god. Are you playing Animal Crossing like everyone in the world?
M: Yes I am. (laughs)
L: I’m jealous.
M: It’s so much fun. I have a Target credit card so I did go to Target and they were all out of every color except yellow for the Switches. But yellow’s one of my favorite colors, so I don’t know why people hate on yellow so much. So I was able to get one and I got Animal Crossing and I got Star Wars Pinball, which is really fun.
L: Nice.
M: So thank god for credit cards during this time.
L: For real.
M: I mean I feel like it’s free money but people say otherwise.
L: (laughs) I mean, listen
M: I mean, I’m going to have to pay this eventually.
L: the whole economy is gonna collapse. It doesn’t- Nothing matters.
Both: (laugh)
M: Yeah, so that’s a fun thing. And I’ve been going to the Dollar Tree a lot and getting a lot of notebooks ’cause I love notebooks
L: Okay.
M: and pens and highlighters and like, I really, every day take the time now to journal or do some parts of like, social media planning,
L: Mmhm.
M: things that I do every day anyways. I got, at the Dollar Tree they have calendars that are actually pretty nice.
L: Okay.
M: So I got a different calendar. I think I said this last time already but I got like stickers – what is it called? – white out, just a whole bunch of office supplies.
L: Nice.
M: And I got a recipe box with like cards in it and I’m writing like, facts that I need each day, like what time to post, and just all kinds of like, organizational stuff that makes me happy
L: That’s great.
M: that I never had time to do before.
L: That’s great. I’m proud of you. I’m having a really hard time doing the things- I’m trying to be really gentle with myself about like, not, you know, getting things done.
M: Yeah.
L: ‘Cause I feel like, “Oh, I have all this time.” But I have been, I’ve been coloring a lot and I’m making friendship bracelets. (laughs)
M: That’s so sweet.
L: And I’m sending mail. So if anyone wants mail like, for real, anyone. If you’re listening to this and you’re like, “I don’t know them though.” That’s okay. Send me your address even if you don’t want to be a Patron, although being a Patron could help in these difficult times. (laughs) I will send you mail I just need a task that has nothing to do with me. (laughs)
M: Yeah. I want mail.
L: I will definitely send you mail.
M: I’ll send you mail.
L: Do I not have your address?
M: No. I’ll give it to you.
L: Okay, give it to me. But not…
M: Yeah. (laughs) Not right now.
L: right now.
M: I’m like, “Here everyone. Here’s my address. Send me something.”
L: Can you give me your credit card number too?
Both: (laugh)
M: I’ve been coloring a lot too so I thought about sending mail but I haven’t done it yet.
L: Awesome.
M: Yeah.
L: Well here’s a question. How has this whole pandemic been like, affecting you know, you’re a person who struggles with anxiety.
M: Mmhm.
L: So am I. How has it been affecting your anxiety, like specifically the pandemic, like, the virus part of it? Is it affecting you?
M: You know, I wrote about this a little bit on Instagram ’cause I had some thoughts about it. I saw a meme that said, “My anxiety is always really high and it feels like the world is catching up.”
L: Mmhm. Mmhm.
M: And so, in a way, I almost, I don’t know. I don’t want to say, ’cause this is not a good thing at all, like, nothing that’s happening is good. But it almost felt like, “Oh wow. Everyone understands how I’m feeling now.”
L: I think that totally makes sense.
M: And my anxiety like, I’m having new thing that I never used to have like, of course we don’t have toliet paper anymore and every day when I go to the store ’cause I live right next to a store like, across the street, there’s never any. I’ve never seen it since this whole thing’s happened. So like, those things are giving me anxiety, but I try to keep that in check and, you know, be like, “That’s not that big of a deal.” But then, going to the stores and had no… ‘Cause my dog, she’s overweight by the way. Had to take her to the vet and they finally told me
L: (laughs)
M: she needs to lose some weight. I started giving her hot dogs because I was giving her medicine. And just little things like that. They didn’t have any hot dogs. (laughs) And they have nothing. To see empty shelves.
L: Yeah.
M: It’s like, I’ve never in my life seen that. It’s never been something that I had to worry about.
L: Right. There’s like a scarcity.
M: So there’s like a new anxiety about that. And also I’m buying like super unhealthy foods, which I know we talked a little bit about before. But I did used to have an eating disorder. And I’m just buying really unhealthy shit and like, frozen foods. Not that everything at the Dollar Tree is unhealthy but a lot of the stuff is. And just buying stuff like that and I’m having like, this anxiety about like, “How much weight am I gonna gain?” Because all I wanna do is eat. And when I go to the store I’m trying not to allow myself to like panic-buy things.
L: Yeah.
M: But Janet, or @sharpsweetbella, who was on the podcast before,
L: Mmhm.
M: which everyone loved her who listened, she does a lot of Instagram Lives these days because, you know, being home. And she speaks a lot about trauma. And I love her. So if you’re not following her, go follow her. She talked about how, kind of like, some compassion for the panic-buying and hoarding because,
L: Of course
M: as a trauma response. That’s a way you can control something. And that like, even it makes me emotional right now. not to like a big degree, but like, wanting to buy things. And like, I bought four or three boxes of Clorox wipes from Amazon. I don’t even need that many. I have a studio apartment. But I
L: Yeah.
M: was like just like, “I don’t know when I’m gonna be able to buy these again. I need these because I have to clean up after my dog.” (laughs) And paper towels. Like, I don’t even use them that often but I have like three of them right now ’cause it came in a pack.
L: Yeah.
M: But aside for like, that general anxiety, it’s also been triggering about grief.
L: Of course.
M: And seeing so many tweets ’cause Twitter especially is where I see where people say like, “I lost my dad today to Covid.” “I lost my grandpa.” Like, “Please everyone take this seriously.” And stuff like that. So being triggered with grief. And so I wrote about that on Instagram like, how do we hold space for grief, you know, in this time.
L: Of course.
M: And how it’s okay for people who’ve lost loved ones like I have, if your anxiety and your sadness and all this new weird emotions that are going, that are being brought up, always lead back to that. You know, I was just telling my psychiatrist this yesterday. Everything always leads back to my mom’s death for me.
L: Sure.
M: So if I start off having like, a really bad night, for whatever reason, it will always end there. So it’s weird to be triggered by
L: I think that totally sense.
M: like, the Covid stuff and panicking about grocery stores and then like, in the same like, weird grief cycle, it’s like, “Okay, now I’m thinking about my mom and upset about her.” So I don’t know. I’m trying like, I know I don’t need to make sense of it but like, journaling has helped,
L: That’s good.
M: reading like, other people’s Instagrams. It feels like a lot of people are sharing a lot right now,
L: Yeah.
M: which is nice.
L: Absolutely. As far as like, the stores and stuff, I did see something that was helpful. I mean, you know, we’re in southern California. Obviously everyone who listens isn’t. But CVS will let you know what their inventory is if you call.
M: Mmhm.
L: So if you’re looking, you know, especially for things like toilet paper, that can be helpful. Also if you have prescriptions at Rite Aid, they will deliver for free.
M: Oh nice.
L: So that’s just another piece of information. I had prescriptions that I knew I was gonna have to pick up. And obviously, you’re gonna have to go to the store sometimes, but if I can minimize my trips to the store, I want to.
M: Yeah.
L: So I’m trying to only go grocery shopping. So like, for example, my pet food, the store where I get the pet food for my bearded dragon, is delivering right now
M: Oh cool.
L: I mean, there is a fee but it’s not too high and it seemed worth it for me. But yeah, I got my prescriptions filled for free and delivered like to my outside of my door like, no contact kinda situation. So, yeah, just to let people know. Also Trader Joe’s has been really good, as far as stores go, if you have a Trader Joe’s near you,
M: Oh yeah. I still haven’t been.
L: and really like spacing it out, only letting so many people in at a time, wiping down all the counters and everything between turns and all of that.
M: So what about you? How’s it been impacting…
L: You know, I’m not like, I don’t know. I’m not necessarily like, fearful of the virus like, I guess I kind of am. I don’t know. I read a thing about how this is bringing up a lot of anticipatory grief and like,
M: Mmhm.
L: anticipatory grief is like, a big thing for me. And so, I think that part’s the scariest, is like, the idea of this will continue to affect people I know. This will continue to get worse. And that part is definitely hard. It’s also hard just to like, you know, like, I’ve got a kid and kids are pretty safe from this. But they’re also more likely to be carriers and she has a lot of different family members. And, you know, she’s got family members who are immunocompromised, she has family members that she can’t see. And managing who she can see limits who I can see,
M: Mmhm.
L: because, you know, if you look at it as we sort of have like, a bubble of like, who’s in our bubble. Well, to have like, her dad and stepmom and my parents in her bubble means they’re in my bubble too, but I’m not spending that much time with them.
M: Yeah.
L: So I’m still alone a lot of the time, which is just, I don’t know. It’s a weird place to be. Like, I kind of feel, it changes multiple times a day, if I wish I had a partner through this or if I’m kind of glad I have this space to be alone.
M: Yeah.
L: Because the truth is I don’t want either. I don’t want a partner with me every second and I don’t want to be alone every second, you know?
M: Yeah. My partner and I have talked a lot about this, that we’re so happy to have each other right now through this.
L: Yeah.
M: But also, we both have been working from home. So it doesn’t feel, you know, that different, except we’re used to going out a lot more. So that’s making us feel really stir crazy. We’re trying to figure out like, what activities we can do. But I’ve read how this could put stress on so many relationships,
L: Yes.
M: on the flip side. So like, I think being alone has a lot of challenges, but if you are your partner and your kid have not all had to be home together all the time, I could see how this could be like complete chaos and causing a lot of stress. So just like, I don’t know.
L: Yeah. I mean like, it’s, we’re past daylight savings, so it’s light out longer. I have a really nice neighborhood to walk around in. The weather’s nice. I have, you know, a two bedroom apartment with high ceilings. But I’ll tell you this apartment just feels smaller and smaller like, every day.
M: Mmhm.
L: And I have never- That’s not a feeling that I’ve had in this this place. You know, it’s usually a pretty decent size, like, I feel pretty grateful for the size of my apartment when it’s just me or when it’s me and my kid.
M: Yeah.
L: But, boy it feels small right now.
M: Yeah, that’s how we feel in our studio too. It’s so tiny. We’re like stuck in here,
L: Yeah.
M: us and our dog. But I’ve read a lot of fun tweets about dogs are the real winners here because they’re all so happy to have their owners and everyone home all the time (laughs)
L: Oh my god. Yes.
M: and how someone put, “In six months from now or whenever this is over, all the dogs are gonna have such bad separation anxiety.”
L: Oh totally. I know. There was something else that I was- Oh, it’s also obviously a really interesting time for dating.
M: Oh my gosh. Yeah. Talk about that ’cause I know- Can I say this? You’re dating someone, right?
L: I have. I am. Yes. I have started to try to date someone in this. So, well two things, you know, and I will keep it fairly vague. But like, you know, I had been seeing somebody who kind of called it off at the beginning of this.
M: Mmhm.
L: And that was tough. (laughs) It makes sense. It really does. But like, you know, that was, obviously challenging.
M: Mmhm.
L: And then there was a person that I had planned to meet up with when things were still normal. But the date was scheduled for kind of like, right after all the distancing began. So we have had two dates so far and they’ve both been virtual. (laughs) And-
M: That’s so cute.
L: It is cute. It’s really nice. It’s super weird to like, not know, when I’m going to get to meet them in person. It’s, you know, I mean-
M: So what do you guys do?
L: The first date we just talked on like, FaceTime, you know. And then the second one we watched a movie together. So we just each watched the movie through our own screens and then had our FaceTime on.
M: That is so sweet.
L: Yeah. And I sent them some mail. Yeah. That’s the thing, it’s very sweet. Again, I think the hardest part for me is the not knowing when the ending is, you know.
M: Yeah.
L: Like, if someone could just say, “Okay. Here’s how things are. And they’re gonna be like this for X amount of time. And then you can meet up.”
M: Yeah. That would be super helpful.
Both: (laugh)
L: Right? So obviously that part is challenging. And I’ve seen people- Oh, and then, this was just kind of cute is, one of my friends the other day sent me a message and was like, “I’m so lonely. Can I send you some nudes?” I was like, “Absolutely.” So we sent each other nudes.
M: That’s fun. Spicy.
Both: (laugh)
L: Right? I think it’s just like, I feel like, I don’t know. That’s a nice form of like, queer platonic intimacy,
M: Yes!
L: which is like, “I’m not trying to have sex with you but I’m happy to tell you you look hot
M: Yeah.
L: and bring some joy there.” (laughs)
M: I haven’t participated in any of these things. But I’ve seen a lot. I know Queer Mondays is a thing in Long Beach right near me.
L: Yeah.
M: And they’re doing, they’re gonna do like a Zoom something,
L: Mmhm.
M: where the performers will still be able to perform.
L: Amazing.
M: And I’ve seen queer dance parties like, on Zoom. And I think all that is so cool. I haven’t done it myself. But I’ll have to figure out if I can get some links into our show notes.
L: Yeah. I think that would be a good idea. I have no participated. And I mean, I have talked to friends on FaceTime, you know, I’ve had one-on-one conversations. I haven’t participated in many of the group things. I did dial into a meditation through the organization Lesbians Who Tech and that was really fun. And then, what was the other one I was going to say? My brain just stopped. (laughs) I don’t know. But there are, yes. There are other like events and dance parties and I think that that would be fun and I would like to participate a little more in some of those things, just to-
M: Yeah. Me too.
L: Oh! Oh! The other thing I was gonna say is that, you know, the queer polyamory meetup group that I help out with. We’re going- We just- You know, we cancelled it, obviously, this month, but we’re gonna move it online next month.
M: Oh. We’ll have to put a link to that.
L: Yeah. Definitely. So we’re gonna do it through Zoom as well.
M: And if anyone doesn’t know about this app, there’s an app called the Rave app where you can watch, I know Netflix, I don’t remember what else, but you can like have a screen and still like, press a button and it will let you talk or you can text and if you a group- So my partner and I and Sam, who does the transcriptions for this podcast and one of their partners, we watched Feel Good.
L: Oh nice.
M: And it was really nice because sometimes we would like, voice chat each other and other times we would text.
L: Nice.
M: And I think we sat there that night and watch the whole series.
L: Did you like it?
M: I did. I feel like it was very triggering.
L: Yeah. It was hard and it was sad, but I loved it.
M: Yeah. But it was so nice to feel like, it felt like that other couple was in the living room with us.
L: Yeah.
M: So that was really fun. So I want to definitely schedule that again. And I think you can just go on even if you don’t have a group that you know. People are watching things and you could just join there room and watch it with them.
L: I finally got- I haven’t like, watched anything yet through it, but I got mine working and I saw that, that you can just kind of join in, which is a sweet idea.
M: Yeah. So we’ll have to link that so people can do that if you want to.
L: Yeah. And then there’s Netflix Party but I had trouble getting Netflix Party working.
M: Oh. I’ve never heard of that.
L: Yeah. It’s a Chrome extension for Netflix, which I think just let you like, while you’re watching Netflix you can like, type along on the side. But, I don’t know, I didn’t feel like that was as fun.
M: Uh huh.
L: ‘Cause you could just group text, you know, like, you can’t- It’s not voice. And I tried to do it while I was also using FaceTime on my computer,
M: Mmhm.
L: and then the sound wasn’t working for Netflix. So, I don’t know.
M: Ohhh okay.
L: Yeah.
M: Well I wrote that down so I could check it out.
L: No. It’s worth checking out though. It might have just been user error.
M: And my next thing I’m gonna watch- I’ve been watching Sister Wives reruns.
L: (laughs)
M: But I’m gonna start Jersey Shore.
L: Oh nice.
M: And I think I’ve talked to you about this.
L: Like, the original? From the beginning?
M: Yes. From the beginning.
L: Oh my god.
M: (laughs) So I’m sure I’ll have a lot of thoughts on that and I’ll be able to report back about Jersey Shore.
L: I mean, I used to watch it. I will know what you’re talking about. I’ve seen like, I’ve probably seen all of it.
M: Awesome.
L: Yeah. I don’t know if awesome’s the right word.
M: I’ve heard people love it.
Both: (laugh)
L: It’s traaaash.
M: Oh, and they finally got into, on my favorite, 90 Day Fiance, they got into the queer couple’s relationship.
L: Oh nice.
M: And that’s been really sweet to watch.
L: Nice.
M: I saw other people besides me saying this, that they kept- They would only bring it up at the very end of the episode. It was like they were baiting us.
L: Right. Sure.
M: They would never really show it. And then now that it’s been like four episodes they’re finally bringing that couple in.
L: Oh good. Oh, here’s another update from quarantine. I’m making my own cold brew.
M: Oh, you are?
L: Yeah. I had to. I will like, I am definitely like, not making the money that I need to be making right now, as I know a lot of us are going through.
M: Mmhm.
L: But I am saving a fuckton of money on coffee by making it myself.
M: Good.
L: So that’s something. One little thing.
M: That’s awesome.
L: Yeah.
M: So I can’t really think of anything else. Do you have anything else?
L: I don’t. It’s such a- Yeah, I don’t. I think it’s one of these things where like, when we’re all going through something so similar, it’s nice to know that we’re something similar, but there’s also not as much to talk about.
M: Yeah.
L: Like, nothing happened. Like, since the last time I saw you.
M: Yeah. (laughs)
L: Nothing has happened.
M: When did I even see you last?
L: I have no idea. I don’t know when anything was.
M: It was right before this started, right?
L: I think so. It’s so- I’ve never felt so like, unclear on like, what day it is (laughs) and where I am.
M: Yeah.
L: (yawns)
M: I just posted that on Instagram, “Time doesn’t exist and I’m not sure I do either.” (laughs)
L: Tssss. I know. I posted one the other day that was like, “For those keeping count, today is March 97th.” (laughs)
M: Yep.
L: Ugh. Ahhh. I know.
M: Well, love to everyone who, like us, felt like they were getting all their shit together and then this happened.
L: Yeah. And just, you know, just a reminder, that whatever you’re doing, you’re doing great. If you’re writing a fucking book or if you’re staying in bed for 18 hours a day or anything in between, you’re doing great. This is weird and scary and unprecedented and so whatever you’re feeling is okay. And whatever you’re feeling isn’t gonna last.
M: Yep.
L: Yeah. So we love you. If there is something that you would like us to talk about during this,
M: Yeah.
L: maybe we will pick something like, I don’t know like, a show or a something that we want to kind of dig into a little bit more.
M: Yeah, and we still have to do an astrology episode.
L: You know what, I actually just started reading- I’m actually paying a lot more attention. I just started reading You Were Born for This, Chani Nicolas’ book.
M: Oh yeah!
L: So yeah. Maybe we could talk about that a little bit more and just-
M: And just fun witchy shit
L: Yeah. I’ve been-
M: and do a fun epsiode ’cause of all this bad shit is everywhere.
L: Yeah. We could do- There’s been good like, some good tarot spreads that I’m only just trying to get back into doing it ’cause it’s just been hard for me to access like, emotionally.
M: Yeah.
L: And so maybe that would be a good thing to do next time. So if there’s any questions, that either of us are experts, but, you know, we dabble. So (laughs) if you have anything that you’d like to talk about there.
M: Yeah. I used to do tarot and like, all kinds of candle magic and stuff all the time. And since this happened I haven’t wanted to do any of that.
L: Yeah.
M: So maybe I’ll start like, you know, getting back into it a little bit or at least writing down like, some of my routine. I don’t know what I’m talking about at all when i talk about it.
L: That’s okay.
M: (laughs) But I like it.
L: I think you do more than you think.
M: Yeah. So that would be a fun one. And if anyone else has ideas, just please let us know. We’re open. (laughs) We’re open to talking about your fun or not fun ideas, you know.
L: Absolutely. Or, yep. We’re for all of it. We love you all. Please stay home. Please stay safe. Please wash your hands. Please stop touching your face.
M: Yep.
L: It’s really hard.
M: And thanks for listening.
L: Thanks for listening.
M: We’ll see you next time.
L: Alright.
M: Bye!
L: Bye!
L: Thanks for listening to Queers Next Door. We hope you enjoyed it. Be sure to follow, subscribe, and leave a review wherever you listen to your podcasts.
M: If you like what we’re doing, join the Queers Next Door fanclub at patreon.com/queersnextdoor to receive all of our exclusive content, and we’ll mail you a fun little surprise. You can find the link on our blog queersnextdoor.com. Cheers, queers!

About Queers Next Door

we take the topics you care about - sex, feminism, kink, social justice, and entertainment - and look at them through a queer AF lens. Cheers, queers! <3

30 comments on “Episode 18 Transcript- Hanging In

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