L: That’s awesome.
M: So I recommend it to anyone who’s dealing with grief. They talk about dead moms and dads but also sometimes it trickles down to grief that way other members of the family are handling it.
M: So I love it.
L: Very cool.
L: Did you just throw your
L: your crystal.
L: Amazing. I have been listening to, I mean, my favorite, like, podcasts that are, like, queer, or are hosted by queers, I continue to love Attack of the Queerwolf and American Hysteria. Newer, oh, and True Crime Obsessed. Those are all hosted by queers. But some new ones I’ve been- Actually, new one is also hosted by a gay man, there’s a series, there’s three different seasons of a show called Headlong. And one is Running from Cops, which was recommend to me by several people. It’s about the TV show Cops. And it’s really good. And then there’s Missing Richard Simmons, which is also very queer and about Richard Simmons. I don’t want to give too much away for any of these ’cause they’re just really fascinating.
M: Are these podcasts?
L: They’re podcasts. There’s three seasons.
M: Oh, okay.
L: And then there’s also one called Surviving Y2K, which sounds like the least interesting of the three, but I think, in some ways, was like the most, like, human, if that- That doesn’t make sense. I don’t know. They were all really great. And they’re all short enough that I listened to them pretty quickly. As I’ve mentioned, I clean houses as one of my jobs and so listening to podcasts is a thing I do. So they’re each like six to eight episodes. I also listen to Ronan Farrow’s Catch and Kill podcast, which is all about, it’s about the Harvey Weinstein stuff, so obviously content warning for sexual assault. But the focus is more on how the media tried to cover up and block that story. Ronan Farrow is Mia Farrow’s son. He’s gay and adorable and a really amazing journalist. And he wrote a book called Catch and Kill, which I did not read, and I’m sure is excellent. But I listened to eight hours of the podcast so I feel like I got the book. My favorite part is that I told my dad to listen to it, and he did and he called me up like really mad about rape culture.
L: And that was just a nice, like, we don’t talk about serious things in my family. And I don’t get a lot of that kind of stuff. But he was like really willing to listen to it and also just be like, “Fuck this guy.” So
L: it was good.
M: That was nice bonding moment for you
L: It was.
M: and your dad.
L: It was. So, yeah. Those are all recommends. You know, I listen to a million podcasts, but those are probably the newest ones.
M: Yeah, I don’t listen to that many. I’m writing ’em all down so I can put ’em in the show notes, but I don’t listen to that many because it makes me stressed out when I listen to too many things.
L: Sure. I will say with all of those, because they’re, like six to eight episode seasons, it’s a one story arc. So it’s not like
L: starting a new podcast that’s like gonna have millions of episodes.
L: or where you feel behind or where it feels repetitive or any of those things,
M: Yeah. That’s helpful.
L: which, like, I like single episodes as well. But these are kind of nice ’cause they feel more like a story.
M: That’s why I can’t start new podcasts. Because if they have so many episodes, I feel like I can’t get invested until I listen to all of them.
L: Yes. So that’s much easier here.
M: Yeah. And that’s why we’re perfect still because we only have sixteen episodes. So I keep telling people, like, on social media, “You can start on episode one. Listen to all of them before we have like a hundred episodes.”
L: You totally can. And you can hop in at any point. We’re repetitive.
L: So, like, we’ll probably talk- We have some like similar themes, you’re gonna find out. Like, you might hop in at a weird time and be like. “Wait. What?” But you’ll catch up.
M: Yeah. So do you want to do shows next?
L: Sure. I will say one thing that is not queer at all, but I feel like is up your alley, that I started watching, is Love is Blind.
M: I’ve heard of it but I haven’t watched it yet.
L: It is such a piece of shit
L: that I’m so fascinated by. Netflix is like hard selling it to me because it’s the number show whatever. And I keep hearing people talk about it.
M: I put Love is Blonde. (laughs)
L: Okay, so when I start to type it I also accidentally put Love is Blonde and listen, it’s pretty accurate. It’s pretty fine.
M: Is Love is Blind where the man is bisexual and he doesn’t-
L: No, but apparently that is one part. But I’ve only watched the first episode, which I’m
L: gonna get real mad about, I think.
M: Yeah, I guess it was really shitty.
L: I think something really shitty happens but-
M: I’ll watch that. I’ll start watching it too.
L: It is really stupid so…
M: I love stupid TV.
L: Well, I know!
M: It’s my favorite.
L: And I thought of you.
L: And so I thought you might like it. I just turned it on because it’s really short, and I was like, “Okay. I never know what other people are talking about.” And I’ve been in a very, like, mindless TV place.
L: I’m mostly just watching The Great British baking show [Bake Off], which also is very queer.
M: A great one.
L: There’s so many gay people on all of it. So, that’s just been like a fucking delight. So, but yeah, I’ve only watched the first episode, not even the whole first episode, of Love is Blind. But the idea is, it’s straight people and they put all the straight girls in one place. And I guess bisexual people could be there. But the idea is men meeting women, women meeting men. So I don’t want to assume anyone’s sexuality, but it’s a very straight show. And they go in these fucking pods. They talk to each other but they don’t see each other’s faces. So they fall in love just talking.
M: Oh my god. This is right up my alley.
L: And then they get engaged and then they get fucking married
L: ’cause it’s fucking wild.
M: Oh. I think the guy is pansexual. That’s how he identifies.
L: I did see- I tried not to- I mean I don’t really care about spoilers.
L: But I did see a thing where there is a pair that end of pairing off and he, I think he says he’s bisexual because it’s like
M: Oh, okay.
L: bisexual awareness week or day or something and like…
M: And her face is like horrified and she…
M: I saw that on Twitter, I think. But I’m gonna start watching it now. Thank you for another trashy,
L: Of course.
M: stupid show, that I love, those kind of shows.
L: The thing that’s the dumbest about it, to me, and it doesn’t matter, but like, part of why they say they’re doing it is that, you know, you’re getting to know someone on a deeper level and not based on, like, race or ethnicity or how they look. But, like, they very often talk about their race or ethnicity.
L: So they find that out anyway. There’s also one guy who, like, says to the woman, like, “Are you African American? Because you sound like you are.” (makes disgusted noise)
M: Oh my god.
L: It’s just like gross. But, even worse though is they’re all conventionally attractive. Like, they all look the same and dress the same. It is, the only diversity is it’s less white than other dating shows I’ve seen. So, it’s like-
M: Like The Bachelor. I’m gonna start watching that one.
L: So it’s mostly just black people and white people who are all conventionally attractive, being like, “I don’t care about how people look.” You’re like, “Yeah, you’re all like really boring hot though, so…”
M: Yeah. Sounds like something I would love.
L: That was a lot more than I wanted to say about that, but, there we are. Here we are.
M: I’m excited to watch that.
M: That’s the perfect entryway to 90 Day Fiance, which I think I talk about on every episode of Queers Next Door.
L: Everyone’s talking about that one. I don’t want to talk about it too long, but how does it work?
M: Okay. It’s a documentary/reality TV series on TLC that follows couples who have applied for or received a K-1 visa[…]therefore have 90 days to marry each other.
L: Oh, it’s like a green card. Is that what a K-1 visa is? Yep.
L: Are they set up as green card marriages, like, they don’t…
M: What do you mean?
L: Like are they…Do they know each other? Or they’re just trying to get citizenship?
M: So, no.
L: Which, by the way, is fine.
M: Some people would argue that they’re just trying to get citizenship. And there are definitely cases where you’re like, “This person is not into this person. They just need their green card.”
M: But most of the time they’re arguing and saying that’s not the case. They met each other on social media, they fell in love, and now they’re gonna get married and be together. And they also have 90 day the other. So some people leave the United States to go
M: to get to become a citizen in the other place.
M: But the thing that everyone’s talking about right now is I think it just released like two nights ago. I just started watching it last night but didn’t get to the queer part yet. It has its first every same sex couple
M: on the new season.
L: Is it the kind of show where there’s like a different couple each episode, like in the Queer Eye way, or is it like a group?
M: It’s a group
M: that will stay the same for the season.
L: Okay. That’s all I was like…
M: So, there is something, one girl is 29 years old, from New York, and the other one is 24, from Australia, and they’ve never met in person.
L: Oh, cute.
M: So this is before the 90 days, which means they don’t have, they’re not in the 90 day process yet.
M: So it’s gonna show their actual first time meeting.
M: But there is like a twist to it because Stephanie has a rare bone marrow disorder that complicates travel. So a common cold could technically kill her.
L: Aw. So she’s like immunosuppressed.
M: So I just started the first episode of this season. It’s the only one that’s been released so far. Haven’t seen anything about this couple yet. But apparently one of them is gonna make the trip.
M: So that’s gonna be…
L: I mean I’m more likely to watch it if there’s queers but also
M: So I’ve been watching this show for, I think, over a year.
M: And I’ve watched like every season. I’m completely obsessed with all the couples.
L: People seem really into it, according to the internet.
M: Yeah. And this is gonna be the first queer couple.
L: So you’ll have to report back.
M: I can’t wait. I’ll be talking about it every time we record, I’m sure.
M: Yeah. So, every time I post about it on social media, I get like five people who respond, like, “Hell yes. 90 Day Fiance is my jam.” (laughs) So I know a lot of people love it.
L: People love reality TV. I mean I used to. I don’t watch a whole bunch. But again, I’m watching The Great British Bake Off, which is also reality TV.
L: I would like to go on that show as a self-esteem coordinator because will win like seven episodes and be star baker like seven times in a row and all the judges will say things to them and then they get on the camera and they’re like, “I’m a piece of shit.”
L: And you’re just like, “What?” Everyone has the lowest self-esteem, which is, like- I feel like people on American reality shows have way too high self-esteem. So that part’s nice but I don’t know. I just feel like I want people to like, to take a deep breath. It’s all gonna be okay. Everyone’s very stressed out
L: in a way that’s like really intense. I think I talked about this last time. Now it feels like so long since I’ve seen it. But I watched all but the most recent season of Schitt’s Creek,
M: Mmhm. It’s a great show.
L: which I love so much. And I’m repeating myself, but again, I’m pretty sure this is what I said, but we didn’t record it, which is that like I do not like romantic comedies. Not in a like, I’m too cool for them. I just like literally do not enjoy them, unless they’re also like really funny.
L: But if there’s just sort of like a romance, like, I find it really boring. And then I watch Schitt’s Creek and I was like bawling through all the David and Patrick stuff. And I realized that I just don’t like straight romantic comedies. (laughs)
L: But like I love a queer romantic comedy. And I am so charmed by the show. And I also don’t rewatch things but I’m super excited to just like watch the whole series again
M: That’s so cute.
L: because it is a goddamn delight. And if you’re still not watching it for some reason, just do it. It’s wonderful.
M: It really is. I haven’t seen the latest. But I did watch it the first few seasons. I love Stevie.
M: I love all of the- I love the mom. She loves white wine.
L: Did we decide who you are? Who are you? Are you the mom?
M: I think I’m the mom.
L: I think you are.
M: (laughs) Yeah.
L: We decided who I am, right?
L: Who am I?
M: (laughs) I’ll gladly be the mom
L: I’ll gladly be David honestly.
M: ’cause I’m very dramatic like her. My partner was saying, the time when she was in the closet having a meltdown, that would be me if I had the space in my closet.
L: I think I make those facial expression that David makes.
M: (laughs) Yeah.
L: So this is a queer media related thing. I went and saw a comedian. You’re familiar, obviously, I’m sure, with, oh my god, her name, Hannah Gadsby.
L: Yeah. So Hannah Gadsby was just here. I did not see her. But I saw a show of a comedian who is also from Australia, like it was presented by Hannah Gadsby, a couple weeks ago. And Hannah Gadsby came on and did the intro and it was amazingly terrible and awkward in like the best way. But the comedian’s name was Zoe Coombs Mar.
L: I will make sure we get that into the spelling. Apparently, because I wasn’t familiar with her, apparently she’s been playing, she’s been doing standup as this like joke guy character, for the last like seven or eight years.
L: But now she’s doing standup as herself. And it was just, like, all lesbian jokes and really strange, like, high concept comedy. And I was dying through the entire thing. But she said something about being, like, I think she’s 35, and how she’s finally grown into her face, because she makes so many weird facial expressions. And she was talking about, like, being in her 20s, and like tripping,
M: Uh huh.
L: and just like all the, or like doing ecstasy or something, and all the weird faces you make
M: Uh huh.
L: and so that she has a lot of lines and stuff on her face and people always thought she was older. And now she looks her age.
L: And I just, people tend to think I’m younger, but I felt that ’cause I have a lot of intense lines on my face
L: ’cause I make some real, like, David Rose facial expressions.
M: Yeah, you do.
L: I do. I’ve told you about the time I was on TV. We’ve talked about that here, right?
M: I don’t know.
L: About how I accidentally was on a reality TV show once?
M: That sounds vaguely familiar.
L: I’ll make it short. But I was on a hidden camera show when I first moved ’cause I went for a job interview that was not a job interview. It was a hidden camera show. (laughs) And it was like a clip.
L: Like it was the kind of thing where they set up a scenario and they have three different people go through it. So it’s not straight-through me, but there’s probably like five to ten minutes of me. And just like watching myself on it, ’cause it’s on YouTube – maybe we’ll link to it, we’ll see – is just
M: We’ll put that in the notes.
L: so many facial expressions.
L: It’s all I do, is make weird facial expressions. The show was hosted by Tracy Gold but she was not there, and it was on the TV Guide Channel, and it was called Trapped in TV Guide. And it is one of my most LA, like my dumbest and most LA stories ever because
M: That’s pretty cool.
L: I did not move here wanting to be on TV at all but I somehow ended up on TV like two months into moving here. (laughs)
M: Welcome to LA. You’re on TV.
L: So fucking stupid. Okay. Are there any other TV shows I’m watching? Oh, the other comedian, but this is a standup show, not an in person thing, is Fortune Feimster’s new standup special. Have you seen it? You haven’t seen it, have you?
M: I haven’t.
L: You should watch it. It’s really good.
M: What is that on?
L: Netflix. It’s just like, you know, an hour long Netflix special. She is really funny. I saw her at the Comedy Central thing like I went to in San Francisco last year. I had heard of her. She’s also a lesbian. Yeah, she does a really good bit about Hooters. (laughs) I don’t know if you grew up going to Hooters at all.
M: I’ve been there a ton but I didn’t grow up going there.
L: I went on a date with a guy and his parents after going to the circus when I was like 15. And that felt highly inappropriate.
M: When I was a kid I used to dream about working at Hooters.
L: That’s fair. I’m into that.
L: You know what, though? It’s not sexy. Like, they wear those cheerleader tights
L: that are like super thick and then orange shorts.
L: And I don’t know why I thought that looked good on anybody. Yeah. I mean, I’m not ag- They have good chicken wings.
M: They do. I want to go there now.
L: I also like boobs. But like, I just feel like the whole… Should we go to Hooters? Should be do like a trip to- Is Hooters still a thing?
M: It is!
L: Are there still any, like, in LA?
M: I don’t know. I’ve been, there’s one in Long Beach. I’ve been to the one in Long Beach.
L: Oh my god. Let’s go to Hooters.
M: Yes. I was gonna say take your daughter after you take her to the crystal store near me let’s all go, (laughs)
L: We’d have to have a whole talk about Hooters though.
M: forgetting your daughter is very young.
L: She is. At what age do you take your daughter to Hooters?
L: That’s kind of part of the standup, is that she’s talking about how they always went to Hooters and then her mom gets a new like husband or new boyfriend
L: who’s super conservative and they were deciding where to eat, and she’s just, she’s from the south, and she’s like, “Let’s go to Hooters.” And her mom is like, “I have never been to Hooters.”
L: But she has.
M: It’s not like inappropriate, right?
L: No. Well, here’s the thing. No, no, no. It’s not inappropriate
M: But I get it, the meme-
L: It’s just, how are we sexualizing women in a like male gazey kind of way.
L: That’s what I mean when I say inappropriate. I’m not like, “Oh
M: No, but I know what you mean.
L: they’re too skimpy.” Or anything like that.
M: People definitely don’t consider that like a family restuarant, but in my mind
L: In the midwest, they do and in the south they do.
M: I think it is. Why wouldn’t it be? Like, you know, I don’t know.
L: I think, yes, exactly, like if there were, if it was just a restaurant and women were wearing the outfits they’re wearing, like I don’t believe in, like, “Oh you’re wearing- You’re showing too much skin.” Or any, like, bullshit. I think that’s sexist.
L: My problem is that it has such a, like, sportsbar, frat boy vibe, like, “Ha ha ha. Boobs.”
L: You know? And that’s the part of it that, like, I feel like we’d have to have a conversation about.
M: And don’t they- They don’t hire people, like, I don’t know. It’s hard to get a job. And I heard that the way they get around it is, like, you’re an entertainer. You’re not a server.
L: Oh. Do they make ’em do like independent contractor bullshit?
M: I don’t know. But I just remember ’cause I did look into it once
M: ’cause I really did want to work there.
M: I don’t know why. When I was a kid, that was my thing. I just think I always wanted really big boobs.
L: You have big boobs.
M: But I didn’t have them for a long time.
M: In fact, my grandma just asked me the other day if I had implants and I’m like, “No, I just gained a ton of weight.” But I didn’t have boobs for most of my life.
L: Got it.
M: That’s a whole other podcast. (laughs)
L: Is it a podcast about boobs? I would be on that podcast.
M: Yeah. Let’s do a podcast about boobs.
L: I’d be fine. I like boobs. I’m more of a boob person than a butt person.
M: Who doesn’t? I love boobs.
L: Some people don’t.
M: I mean, that must be true. But I’ve never heard of it.
L: I feel like when I used to date men, because I have a big butt and pretty small boobs, that I dated a lot of like, “ass men”, which, please,
L: don’t ever let me say that again.
L: I feel dirty just saying that. But, yes. But it’s not so much people who didn’t like boobs. It’s just people who didn’t like big boobs,
L: which I don’t understand ’cause I like all boobs.
M: Yeah. All boobs.
L: Hashtag allboobs.
M: (laughs) Hashtag allboobs.
Jessy: Hi, this is Jessy Caron
Rebekah: And Rebekah Frank. And we are the hosts of
Both: Welcome to My Vagina.
J: We will take you on a laugh ’til you queef adventure.
R: where we will destroy the taboos of sex
J: one well-researched episode at a time.
R: It’s a little like being in your sex ed class but with actual information
J: and no uncomfortable gym teacher.
R: We’ll teach you to mind ya business
J: because a woman’s body is her body and anything you say or do otherwise will be used against you.
R: So join us on our foray through the patriarchy
J: where we shut down misogyny via the black holes in our vaginas.
R: Please listen wherever you get your podcasts
J: and follow us on Instagram @welcometomyvagina
R: and Twitter @welcometomyvag
J: See ya next Tuesday!
M: We’re back. Wait, are we recording?
M: Yes, we are.
L: We’re baaack, question mark. You wanted to talk about another TV show.
M: Yes! Okay. It’s another one that I’ve talked about and will continue to talk about.
M: It’s Sister Wives,
M: also on TLC.
L: You’re the best. Do you have regular TV or you watching that on like Hulu or something?
M: I watch it on Amazon.
L: Oh, okay.
M: I feel like everyone knows what Sister Wives is, but it’s the life of a polygamist family, Kody Brown, his four wives, and their 18 children.
L: Oh, lord.
M: So the reason I wanted to talk about it is because one of their children is gay.
L: Oh, okay.
M: And I’ve been watching it since it came out, I think in 2010, so it’s been a long time. I’ve very invested in this family.
M: And I knew at least one of their kids has to be gay.
L: Well, statistically, like
L: it’s impossible that, I’m sure multiple-
M: And there might be more.
L: There’ve got to be more.
M: There’s still-
L: 18’s a lot.
M: Yeah. And there are still younger children.
L: I don’t even know 18 straight people.
M: So (laughs) this daughter is one of the ones that was like the most religious
M: and really wanted to like- ‘Cause some of them are like, “We’re not gonna do polygamy. We don’t really care about this.” This one was like very, “I’m gonna do this.”
M: “I want to be a polygamist. She wanted to join the Mormon church, which there was some controversy because I guess, like polygamy is still frowned upon in different parts of the Mormon-
L: I know a lot about Mormonism. It is not Mormon. It is not allowed by the Mormon church.
L: So if you are practicing polygamy, you are not a Mormon.
L: It used to be. And so often it came from Mormon tradition, so like FLDS,
L: ’cause LDS is Latter Day Saints, which is another word for Mormon. The Fundamentalist Latter Day Saints are like, a branch off that are not recognized by the Mormon church but still practice polygamy.
M: Okay. So this daughter said, “If you were to ask me my biggest fear, it would have been to be gay.” Because she used to be homophobic because of her religious upbringing,
M: And I remember watching her and being so shocked that she was the one to be gay and to come out.
L: How old is she?
M: But then I’m like, “Of course.” I think now she’s 24.
L: Oh, okay.
M: And she came out maybe two years ago.
M: But I really thought that they handled the coming out process so good. Because they, of course, this family’s always on TV,
M: so they, it was on TV, the mom’s reaction was very, I guess touching. Because like, as someone who has a dead mom who never really got to come out,
M: I liked that she was honest that she like, “Of course we love our daughter. We accept her.” But she kind of talked about the grieving of like-
M: ‘Cause of all the four wives, they all have multiple children.
L: I was gonna say, is this her, like, bio mom.
M: Her bio mom. All of them have multiple children except this one.
M: And she had several miscarriages and has always wanted more kids. This is her only biological child, who’s gay.
L: Got it.
M: So she was saying how she did have a grieving period of, like, “I imagined your life this way and I was looking forward to it, and it’s not gonna happen.” But like coming around to like, “This is not my life. This is your life. I want you to be happy.”
M: And her mom went to the Women’s March with her.
L: That’s sweet.
M: They took her to a gay bar, which, is like,
L: You know.
M: they don’t drink alcohol, but…
M: So it’s been really fun
M: to watch that. And…
L: I like that.
M: Now she’s engaged.
L: I was gonna say, did they tell her she can still get married and have kids?
M: Yes. So she’s engaged. It was really sweet how she, they- It just happened this season, like I think one of the last episodes. They were joking, “Do you want our family to grow more?” And she was like, “Yes.” And the dad and parents thought that meant like, oh yeah, I want you to get another wife. And she like grabbed her girlfriend’s hand and showed the ring.
M: And they were all like, “Oh, my gosh.” And it was like this really sweet celebration.
L: Is her girlfriend religious, or her fiance?
M: I don’t think so but I don’t really know that much about her.
L: Well, that’s sweet.
M: Yeah. So the show is really good. Again, there was a lot of, like, I don’t know. I don’t want to say stupid. That’s not a nice word. But, like, there’s a lot of stupid drama that happens and just watching someone with so many wives, like, navigate that is interesting as someone was, I was polyamorous. Not the same as polygamy.
L: Of course.
M: But still, managing emotions and stuff.
M: But also Meri, the mom of the gay daughter, was involved in the emotional affair that turned into like a catfishing situation and that has all been like on TV.
L: Oh wow. With a man?
M: It was a woman pretending to be a man.
L: Oh, interesting. Okay.
M: So there’s been a lot of
M: twists and turns of this story. But anyways, I love that show. I know a ton of people are just like me, super invested in this family ’cause they’ve been on TV for ten years.
L: You know what, I’ve seen episodes of it. I remember it. I’m also really fascinated with cults, just in general.
L: And I know it’s like not exactly a cult, but it’s not not a cult. Yeah. Interesting.
M: And the last show is Good Girls.
L: Oh, that looks so good.
M: It’s so good. And the reason I wanted to bring it up is because
L: It’s on my list.
M: there’s a bit of nonbinary representation, I guess.
L: Oh cool.
M: One of the children is exploring, I guess they said exploring their gender. I don’t know. I read about it ’cause I wanted to see what they actually said.
L: Uh huh.
M: But apparently it was originally written for a boy.
M: And then someone, the casting director asked if she’d be interested in seeing a girl for the part of a boy. And so that’s how it happened. “The young actor at the time seemed to identify with the female gender assigned to him at birth.”
M: “And then by the time filming began, made it clear that he identifies as a boy and was using he/him pronouns.”
L: And his character on the show is a boy? Or is like gender expansive?
M: Gender expansive. And I think going by they/them.
M: But it, so it shows the mom
M: and dad having different reactions and like, the dad says that- So it’s written as a daughter.
M: The daughter needs therapy.
L: Got it.
M: And the mom kind of argues against that. So I don’t know. I think it’s a really good show. That’s a very small percentage of what’s talked about.
L: Of course.
M: But I was excited to see it.
L: That’s great!
L: I love everybody on that show.
L: And so I just haven’t gotten around to it ’cause there’s so much TV that I want to see, but that’s awesome. That’s the one with like Retta and Christina Hendricks and
L: Mae Witman, right?
M: And the male, I guess, lead male actor, his name is Manny something, Manny Monterro [Montoya] or something, he’s from Long Beach.
L: Oh, cool!
M: Yeah. So there’s, I just love geeking out on like, reading about shows more than sometimes even watching them.
L: Yeah! No, totally.
M: And to go back to the reality shows that I love, if you go on Reddit, there’s like so many threads about Sister Wives
L: Oh, sure.
M: and 90 Day Fiance,
M: which is fun to just, if you don’t want to watch it, you can see like the memes they make and what’s going on.
L: I enjoy, I like that idea, because I don’t watch shows with people very often anymore,
L: of feeling like there’s a community around, like, the things that you’re into.
L: So I totally get that. Oh, I’m happy whenever there’s more nonbinary representation.
L: A cute thought about that. So my kiddo’s birthday was this week and she got this thing from, actually from like the nonqueer side of the family.
L: I don’t know if you remember when these came out. Have you seen the dolls that are like gender neutral dolls?
L: Okay, so it’s called like Creatable World and it’s a doll that’s, with short hair, that is wearing like boxer shorts and a tank top and there’s a set of clothes and wigs that are both like masculine and feminine.
M: Uh huh.
L: So they’re like non-gendered dolls. And my kiddo is like, because she was two now, “I want to get a third one so one can be she and one can be a he and one can be a they.”
L: But like-
M: What are they called? I’m gonna write it down.
L: It’s called Creatable World. They sell them at Target and on Amazon and they’re pretty reasonably priced. They also have very cool gay clothes. So it’ll come with like, you know, like pants, shorts, a skirt, sneakers, glasses, long hair. And it’s not even like, the long hair is “girl hair” or the short hair is “boy hair” or anything like that.
L: It’s just, like, the set of clothes that come with each doll, like range from like traditionally feminine to masculine to, like, pretty androgynous.
L: It’s great. They’re like little gay barbies. And so that makes me happy.
M: I’m gonna Google them.
L: I will show you them so you can see them.
L: But like I just really love that. And I’m noticing that like, you know, that like she’s been using, that like, she’s always been really good about using people’s pronouns. Like if I know folks who use they/them pronouns. But she’s even like using it with her toys,
L: which makes me so happy. She has a little Wild Thing, you know, like Where the Wild Things Are?
L: She has a little stuffed Wild Thing and, you know, it’s got like a beard and, like, the crazy hair. And she put it in a dress the other day and she was like, “This is Jay. They use they/them pronouns.” (laughs)
M: Oh my god. I love it.
L: “They used to be a boy but they like to keep their beard and wear dressed.” And I was like, “Thank you.”
L: So yeah. So it’s delightful. So, for the children in your life, I recommend these toys. Like a set is like 20 or 30 bucks.
M: I was gonna say the holidays are coming up and they’re not.
L: They’re not.
M: They’re not coming up. (laughs)
L: They’re not. They’re really not.
M: I forget what time of year it is.
L: Unless you celebrate Easter, which I do not, but some people do.
M: I don’t know why I thought it was the end of the year right now.
L: Awww. Bless your heart.
M: Alright, the next thing I have on my list is books.
M: I’ve been into romance lately.
L: Yes. Are you reading queer romance?
M: Okay. So, I’m mostly reading straight romance, because my vanilla job is in the romance industry. And so I’m trying to read authors specially for reasons, you know.
M: But what I’ve realized is, doing the relationship coach training and having been involved in like the sex world with conferences and all, I’ve read a ton of books about sex. And while they’ve been like, somewhat entertaining, I do feel like it’s work.
M: I’ve never been into romance until I started working in romance.
M: And I really enjoy reading it. And I’m shocked that I enjoy the straight romance so much.
M: The straights.
M: It’s like a really good escape for me.
M: I can read them really fast. And there are two queer romance authors I wanted to shout that that I’ve read books by. One is Eden Bradley. And I used to do like this kinky book club and that was the book that I chose one month, was called The Training House.
M: And it’s a really queer BDSM
L: I’ve heard of that.
M: centered romance book. And then R.L. Merrill, I read one of her books and she writes a lot of like lesbian romance novels and stuff. So I’m also gonna put in the blog post a link called Sweet LGBT Romance Books because I’m gonna start using that list to like try to like expand some of my romance novels then read.
M: I think it would be fun. I know we’ve like tried to do a book club before.
M: But I think one day, whenever we’re ready we should.
M: And it would be fun because I’ve done a lot of research now and I think it was something like, I don’t remember if it was three or eight percent of readers of romance are LGBTQIA.
L: Oh wow.
M: It’s like a very small percentage.
M: So I think it’s just, people hate on the romance world and I kind of get it but I think people should open their minds and try it. I’m gonna try some of the books on the list. I’ll put it there.
L: I’m all for reading books from like different genres that I’m not used to. I used to read romance books when I was like in middle school. (laughs)
L: But I haven’t read any since. But I always liked them. I like a quick like run read.
L: If you’re making a list, I can also share a google doc I have for my queer book club.
L: So I’m continuing to do queer book club every month. Right now we’re reading Audre Lorde, Zami: A New Spelling of My Name, which is one of my favorite books. But do you ever have like a something that, like, it’s your favorite, but it’s been your favorite for so long that you’re like, “Oh wait, I actually don’t remember anything about it?”
L: This is that. So, and no one else in the book club had read it. So I’m re-reading it. I just started but I really like it. The last book we read was also queer, ’cause they’re all queer, which was Call Me By Your Name. And I fucking hated it. Like hated it so much. I did not see the movie. I know people love the movie. That’s great for them.
L: I’m sure the movie- The movie might be great, but I refuse to watch it because of how much I just really didn’t like the book. I found it really annoying.
M: Did you finish it?
L: Yeah. ‘Cause it’s short and it was book club. So I went ahead and finished it. If something’s really long, I won’t finish it for a book club, but, yeah. Didn’t like it. (laughs) Zero stars. The other book I read recently was Hunger by Roxane Gay.
L: Have you read that?
L: Yeah. So Roxane Gay is amazing. And I, you know, I really liked Bad Feminist. This one I recommend. But like, it is tough.
L: So, like, intense. Trigger warning for sexual assault. But it was a really challenging and like beautiful book.
M: I love all of Roxane Gay’s stuff. But some of it is hard
M: to digest.
L: And I mean hard in, like, in a really good way.
L: But I always think, like- But like Bad Feminist is definitely, like, light.
L: So it’s just, you know, like being conscious of what mood you’re in or whatever when you’re reading. Yeah, those are kind of where I am with books. I got Chani Nicholas’ book.
M: Oh, you did?
L: Yes, but I haven’t read it yet. And so she’s a queer astrologer and she wrote a book about, like, astrology for, like, self-care of self exploration that called You Were Born for This. And I ordered it like right away but I haven’t gotten to it. And then the tarot I’ve been doing, I’m reading Modern Tarot by Michelle Tea, who is also queer. And I’ve read one or two of her books as well. Yeah, I recommend. I’m not reading it straight through. I’m reading it, like, I’m looking up cards after I pull them.
L: So I’m probably, like, the equivalent of halfway through. But it’s cool and it has a lot of, like-
M: What is that book called?
L: Which? Modern Tarot.
M: Modern Tarot.
M: Did you know that, as an Amazon Influencer person or people, ’cause there’s two of us
M: we could do like a storefront.
M: So I can add all these thing to the list.
L: Let’s do it.
M: But I have to learn how to do that first. But I think it’s gonna be kind of easy, hopefully.
L: Oh, let’s do it.
M: But you know how we are. We take forever to learn things and do things.
L: Me too.
M: But I’m going to try to do that before this episode comes out because I think it would be really cool for people to be able to- Because on Amazon you could watch TV, you can have books.
M: To see everything we’re talking about and just take your pick.
L: Yeah, and like, you know, prior to us doing our own book club, you’re welcome to read along with what
L: I’m doing at the time for my in person book club or whatever.
M: Okay. I want to see your, the Google doc or whatever you said about your club.
L: Okay. Absolutely.
M: ‘Cause I always need some new recommendations.
L: I know. I mean, you see my pile (laughs) behind my bed.
L: So I have a lot of things that I want to…
M: And you’re reading Harry Potter?!?
L: My kiddo just started Harry Potter!
M: I love Harry Potter.
L: So I, based on how old I am and what I- I’ve only read three books. And I’ve only seen the first movie.
L: So I’m like not a Harry Potter person, although I enjoy it.
L: So I’ve been waiting for my kiddo to get into Harry Potter because- So she just turned eight, but she’s a really good reader. And she reads so fast that like, she’s reading the Roald Dahl books but she’ll read ’em like five times.
L: And so she had seen the first Harry Potter movie and she was like, into it but then she went through a place where she thought they might be scary.
L: But I got her the whole set for her birthday and she read, she just finished the first one.
M: Aww, I love that. I’m re-reading them slowly. I think I finished book three last. So I’m kind of reading four every now and then. But Happy Potter is in the dead mom’s club.
L: Oh, sure.
M: And I think it’s awesome now. ‘Cause I read them, I think when I was 12 they came out or something. I started to read them and my grandpa really liked them too.
M: So we would like read them. And at the time my mom was still alive and I don’t think I put a lot of thought into how he didn’t have parents.
M: ‘Cause, you know, the story’s so
L: Yeah, of course.
M: all over. To read it now and to read some of the parts about his grief.
M: It’s very touching to me. And his mom and dad were both murdered, right?
L: They were.
M: So we have that in common with the murdered dead mom thing.
L: Yeah. Or course.
M: And to read some of it. It’s like, I highlight the books now and I just think it’s funny how books can continue to like touch you in different ways as you change and grow. So I just love that. It’s so sweet.
L: Yeah. So I’m thinking I’m gonna read along with her.
L: Or like read them after her.
L: So her idea, ’cause we have all the movies, is she’s gonna read the book, watch the movie, read the book, watch the movie.
M: Mmhm. I haven’t seen many of the movies so.
L: Right. I have all of them if you want to borrow ’em.
L: So we just started, even though we’ve both seen the first one it’s been a while. We just started the first one last night, the movie.
M: Oh good.
L: I know! This was like a point I was kind of waiting for. ‘Cause I was like, “These will be so fun for her. There’s so much to read.”
L: And just like getting into like a whole world is really fun. I mean, the Roald Dahl books are also usually about dead parents too.
L: There’s a lot of dead parent-
M: There is!
L: Disney loves to kill moms.
M: And that’s what they talk a lot about in Don’t Tell the Babysitter Mom’s Dead. ‘Cause they talk about Disney especially loves to have
L: Of course.
M: the dead mom and the stepmom and the poor victim daughter
L: Oh yeah.
M: and the overcoming that and just, it’s really good.
M: Listen to the podcast everyone.
M: Okay. So you said there was also some Instagram accounts you wanted to shout out or talk about.
L: Oh yeah! So I think I’ve talked about @clementinemorrigan before.
L: And I continue to think that like everything she writes is amazing. So I can, so high recommend still. A lot of stuff about trauma and queer sex and trauma and polyamory and attachment styles in polyamory. But have you been following, What’s Wrong With Mary Margaret?
L: Oh my god. Such a good. Let me make sure I’m saying that right. Is it, what’s the? Hold, please.
L: Yeah. @whatswrongwithmollymargaret
M: Okay. Molly Margaret.
L: I said that backwards. So she’s delightful. But the thing I really, really like is she does a bunch of, like, intro stuff for people. Like she does a lot of lists, like 50 Things to say as a First Dating App Message or 50 First Dates or 50 Things to Keep in Mind if You’re Having Partnered Sex for First Time. The thing that’s been so great for me and helpful is that she does text templates.
L: So it’s like Ways to- Well, first of all she does Sample Dating App Profiles. So like, What to Say if You Just Got Out of Relationship, What to Say if You’re Newly Queer, What to Say if You’re Just Looking for Friends with Benefits. And then she does a bunch of like How to Respond to things.
L: Like How to Cancel a Date or How to Tell Somebody That You’re Not Interested or How to Say like It Looks Like You’re Ghosting, ok byyye.
M: Follow her, yeah.
L: I went on a handful of dates with someone and then kind of decided that I wasn’t really feeling it romantically but also had noticed that I was the one doing like all of the reaching out.
L: So I just took a sort of pause and then I just didn’t hear from them. And so I, but I used like the Molly Margaret, like idea of, I sent a text that was like, “Hey. It looks like this conversation kind of fell off. It happens. It was really nice to meet you. Take care,” whatever. And then like I never got a response. But I felt like, like I did the right closure work.
L: And I’m just becoming like, as a person who is like dating again and like kind of solo poly dating at the moment, it’s just really nice to see when people are like, have good communication skills
L: and to practice good communication skills. ‘Cause I know that I’ve done like ghosting type things or whatever in the past.
M: Me too. We should do an episode about ghosting.
L: We should.
M: Because I have a lot of thoughts about it.
L: Okay. We should. Well the one thing that I was saying is that there’s someone that I’m talking to that I was in a back and forth conversation with, you know.
L: Very early, so no expectations of when responses would happen. And so, you know, it was like, minutes to hours between our responses. But I had like asked a question or something and hasn’t gotten a response right away, which I didn’t think anything of. But, then they sent me a message to say that they were just checking in and wanting to let me know that they weren’t ghosting me, they were just busy
L: but would check back in. And then they said when they would check back in. And like, I don’t know. That’s such a big deal
L: and so easy. ‘Cause I get being too busy. And I’m too busy sometimes. Or I get distracted.
L: Or whatever. But just like, I think it’s great for us to all like model that in our conversations.
M: Yeah. Oh, I love a good communicator.
L: Right? It’s so good. It’s so good.
M: That’s the best thing.
L: Yes. Yeah.
M: Is that the end of our shit we like?
L: It might be.
M: For now.
L: That’s all we like. We don’t like anything else.
L: The end.
M: The end.
L: Yeah, I think it is. As always, we love to- Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. We got a new review.
M: Oh, we did?
L: Yes! I’m gonna pull it up real quick. I think it was on Apple Podcast. So I’m gonna make sure. And if it’s not
M: I haven’t seen it! Yay!
L: Something showed me somewhere so, you should talk while I find it.
M: Okay. So don’t forget to join our Patreon.
M: We haven’t been posting there much but that’s because we haven’t been recording much. And that’s all gonna change soon. We linked Patreon to Discord so there’s a little- I was gonna say a cute little chatroom.
M: A cute little chatroom that you can chat in. And we are eventually gonna record there so people can listen in live. And it’s only a dollar a month at the lowest tier or you can go up to like sponsor level $50 a month. And Leight will send you a fun package in the mail.
You can chat with us on the Discord, make us happy. And that is supportqnd.com
L: Ooh, it looks like we maybe have two.
M: I’m so excited!
L: What? Okay, no we just have one new one, but I thought, but I saw another one but I don’t know where it’s from. It may be on Spotify. We have one from… We have one that’s just a five star rating that says, “Love it. Very thoughtful and interesting topics and conversations <3,” which is short and sweet, from sid8258. So thank you sid.
M: Aw, thank you.
L: We love it. We appreciate it. And another one came up but I don’t know where it is so
M: Did you see what it said?
L: No, but it said nice things.
M: Oh, good.
L: It said nice things.
M: I like nice things.
L: I think it maybe came up on Chartable. Does Chartable tell us sometimes?
M: Oh! I never read those emails.
L: I don’t usually. Chartable.
M: I guess I should since it tells us things like that.
L: Let’s do things in real time. Oh, here we go! It’s via Apple Podcast. So shouldn’t it have shown on…?
L: Okay, well. It’s from someone in Australia. And it says, “Da Best.”
M: Aw. (laughs)
L: That’s the title. “Da Best.” Five stars. “Absolute legends. So open, honest, and fun. Could listen to them all day. So nice to be able to switch off and listen something easy but be learning and growing at the same time.
M: That’s very sweet.
L: I know. Thank you. It’s from awwgz.
M: Thank you so much.
L: Thank you. Yeah, I saw that the other day and I was delighted.
M: What a good way to end.
M: That makes me happy.
L: So, as always, yeah. If you want to write things or tell us things or send us messages or ask us questions, we’d love to hear from you. And, yeah, well.
L: We’ll start recording more often.
M: (laughs) And we’ll- We will! We will.
L: We will.
M: Alright. We’ll see you next time.